Posts Tagged ‘parody’

Who You Gonna Call? ~ Runbusters!

August 18, 2016

Who You Gonna Call? ~ Runbusters!

Founding Fathers of Runbusters Houston Astros Chapter (L>R) Jason Castro, Carlos Gomez, Jake Maarisnick, and Evan Gaddis.

Founding Fathers of Runbusters
2016 Houston Astros Chapter
(L>R) Jason Castro, Carlos Gomez, Jake Marisnick, and Evan Gaddis.

Runbusters

~ With apologies to “Ghostbuster” lyricist, Ray Parker, Jr.
If there’s something strange – in your neighborhood
Who you gonna call? – Runbusters!
If there’s something weird – and it don’t look good
Who you gonna call? – Runbusters!

‘Stros ain’t afraid of NO RUNS!
‘Stros ain’t afraid of NO RBI!

If you’re seeing RINGS – running through your head
Who you gonna call? – Runbusters!
An invisible man – hitting next instead
Who you gonna call? – Runbusters!

 ‘Stros ain’t afraid of NO RUNS!
‘Stros ain’t afraid of NO RBI!

Who you gonna call? – Runbusters!

If you can’t reach home – Pick up the phone!
And call – who the damn elseRunbusters!

‘Stros ain’t afraid of no ghost!

Even when Gaddis burns up like toast!

‘Stros ain’t afraid of no ghost!

Even when Castro shows up to roast!

Who ya gonna call? – Runbusters!

If you’ve had a big dose – losin’ bad and close
You better damn call – Runbusters!!!

 (instrumental ending from “Ghostbusters” plays to fade out) >

Wee-a-wee-wee-a-wee-wee-a-wee-WOW!

____________________

eagle-0range
Bill McCurdy

Publisher, Editor, Writer

The Pecan Park Eagle

Houston, Texas

 

More New TV Show Ideas

November 27, 2011

"Anything good on tonight?"

Along the line of yesterday’s foray into using old ideas for the development of new television shows, here are a few others, some with famous titles, but all with new plot lines and casts for satisfying the demand for better quality programming in 2012. Here are nine offerings that the Pecan Park Eagle has come up with on the spur of the moment:

(1) I’ve got a Secret. Politicians Bill Clinton, Arnold Schwarzenegger, John Edwards, Eliot Spitzer, and Jim McGreevey star in a fictional account sitcom of five guys who open up a national hamburger chain. Any similarity to situations and persons in reality is strictly coincidental.

(2) My Three Sons. Former President George Herbert Walker Bush (#41) stars with George W. Bush, Jeb Bush, and Bill Clinton (again) in a re-make of the old Fred MacMurray sitcom hit. A reincarnated Andy Rooney also stars as “Uncle Bub,” the live-in house manager and wisdom dispenser. (“Does anyone ever wonder why they call bathroom tissue ‘toilet rolls?’ When was the last time they rolled far enough when you really needed them to?”)

(3) The Invisible Man. Ron Paul stars in a nighttime soap about a candidate for president who tries to run for office with good ideas, but also as one who is rarely ever seen on TV or quoted in the media. On the rare occasions he does appear for Republican Party TV debates, Paul is never asked a question or reported as present. Case Keenum also stars as Case Paul, Ron’s son and the star quarterback for the University of Houston.

(4) The Loan Arranger. In a cute little play on words, Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke stars in a new reality TV pilot about a federal bureaucrat whose job it is to come up with the names of financially troubled corporations that need to be rescued with loans from the largely but mostly unemployed American taxpayers.

(5) Ozzie and Harriet. Baseball Hall of Famer Ozzie Smith replaces the late Andy Rooney on “60 minutes” with a bit entitled “Ozzie and Harriet.” It’s a one-minute weekly closing segment in which Ozzie reads selectively from the collective works of author Harriet Beecher Stowe.

(6) What’s My Line?/Where’s My Line? Charlie Sheen stars as an actor who can’t decide between a high-paying TV sitcom job or a full-time career getting high as a cocaine snorter. (Just another fictional plot line with no basis in fact comparison to any real person now living or dead.)

(7) Two and Two Thirds Musketeers. Ashton Kutcher, John Cryer, Agnus T. Jones, and Chaz Bono star in this remade song and dance musical version of the famous French swordsmen of literary fame.

(8) Dancing with the Czars. Sviatopolik the Accursed, Yaroslav the Wise, Vladimir the Great, Hollywood’s Peter Ustinov, Baseball’s Lou “The Mad Russian”  Novikoff, Restauranteur Michael Romanoff, and former Russian Premier Vladimir Putin join the first cast of this new version of the old dance show. Eligible contestants must be former czars, Russian or Soviet Rulers, Political Assassins, or celebrities of claimed Russian heritage. Tom Bergeron returns as host. The three judges will be appointed weekly by Vladimir Putin and also accountable to him fot their choices. There will be no telephone voting. The people have no say in picking a winner under the new format. Based on the field and the new format, the pre-contest favorite in Vegas is – Vladimir Putin.

(9) Debaseball. In an effort to ameliorate resistance by the National League to the designated hitter rule, and to increase interest among television viewers, Baseball Commissioner Bud Selig does away with the “DH” in its current form and then initiates a new rule that will apply to all professional leagues, including the National group. In the future, each team will have four designated hitters and no other batters. These four DH hitters will be the only hitters in the game, allowing all other players to be selected only on the basis of their pitching and defensive abilities. Even with no games played under the new Bud Selig multiple DH rule, so far, the name of the game has been changed from “Baseball” to “Debaseball.”  – If you have to ask why, you haven’t been paying attention until now.

The Astros’ Next to Last 2011 Hurrah

September 28, 2011

Sept. 27, 2011: In their next to last game of the season, the 2011 Houston Astros blew a 5-0 lead and took a 13-6 whacking from the St. Louis Cardinals for their record (so far) 105th loss of the year.

 

The outlook wasn’t brilliant for the Astros nine last May,

With Drayton selling off the team and Jim Crane here, they say,

The deal ran into questions on war profits and fair play,

And Selig threw the dad gum thing into profound delay.

 

 

Meanwhile, the team kept losing – and trading off its stars,

And losses found the pile-on gear – and towered clear to Mars,

And when the deed was said and done – with one game left to play,

The losses stacked to 105 – with Crane still held at bay.

 

 

We’ve got some good young players now – and some of us can wait,

Til they grow up – to play their best. – We’ll still support the gate.

But get Crane in – or get him out. – Let’s get the owner settled.

And cut the AL/DH talk – and don’t mistake our metal.

 

 

A bunch of us are NL first – and ONLY NL too,

And we won’t make the games at all – for Selig’s AL brew,

The DH ain’t the game we love – and we won’t hang around,

To watch that sorry rule used here. – On that – we stand our ground.

 

 

“Give us baseball – or give us death,” – in Patrick Henry fashion.

An owner we trust – and a passion to bust – and no mo NL trashin.’

Give us the best! – Get out-of-the-way! – Then, watch that gate spin wild.

We’ve still got a champion’s title to take. – We’re tired of baseball-mild.

Top 10 Things To Do in Houston During a 40-Year Drought

August 15, 2011

10. Kiss the Green Leaves of Summer Goodbye.

10. Kiss the green leaves of summer goodbye.

9. Stop driving. Open a business called U-Rent-A-Camel.

8. Steer all your kids toward careers in dermatology.

7. Lead a campaign to enclose Houston in an enormous air-conditioned sunglass dome.

6. Open another business called “Houston: Sand Supplier to the World.”

5. Build a subdivision where Lake Houston used to be. Call it “Death Valley East.”

4. Change Houston’s three major sports team names to more appropriate mascot themes like “Sand Crabs, Scorpions, and Gila Monsters.”

3. If you are an oil company, take advantage of the water supply shortage and buy up the rights to whatever remains of all H2O sources. Then come out with that car you already own by patent that runs on water, but wouldn’t have been a prudent business choice during water-plentiful, pricey-oil times.

2. Chill out. Go into the Weekend 48-Hour Igloo Backyard Camping business.

1. Remake the movie “Lawrence of Arabia” in Houston. Invite retiring Astros owner Drayton McLane, Jr. to appear in the starring role.

In The Big Inning …

May 27, 2011

In the beginning, the Lord said: “Adam, take these two baseballs and this crazy old lady Eve with you – and go out into that lush and feral pasture that I have already given unto you earlier – and thusly, amuse your hearts, minds, and souls to the brink of rapture by playing  the greatest game I shall ever invent for you – now or ever.

And so Adam and Eve did as God bade unto them. Adam took up  his two balls – and his old bat Eve – and they each strolled hand-in-hand together – down Paradise Lane at the break of this new dawn – and out into the Garden of Eden – the one finely manicured pasture with a Green Monster in left field.

“Who – or what – is that emerald shaded creature, anyway,” Adam cried aloud to Eve as he beheld the attractive creature-structure located some 315 feet away from the dish located nearby where they happened to have stopped, at the place they would learn in time that God called Home.

“its name is Temptation,” Eve answered wryly. “God placed it there to remind all of us swingers that we are each free to flail away at life’s juiciest apples all we want – just as long as we shall also recall, each time we do, the consequences of short-distance, or short-term, thinking.”

“And what, pray tell, does that mean?” Adam asked quizzically.

“It simply means that anytime we try to drench ourselves with instant ecstasy, glory, or satiation by one mighty swing of the bat, simply because happiness suddenly appears to be an easy distance away, that we are more likely to come up short in our actions – and left painfully yearning for more of  the wrong thing – and bringing us one more fang-lock closer to the same snake that bit us in the first place,” Eve answered.

“Durn you!” cried Adam, as he dropped to his haunches, with his elbows now braced on his knees – and with his knuckled hands now supporting  his jaws for a long, baleful look out onto the field of play.

“”What’s the matter with you, Adam,” whispered Eve ,as she placed a supportive left hand upon his slumped over right shoulder.

“You gave me too much to think about,” Adam answered.

“So?” Eve asked.

“So, now I won’t be able to hit at all,” Adam mumbled. “A man can’t be expected hit and think at the same time, can he?”

“I suppose not,” Eve mused. Then they both paused, falling into silence as easily as butter melting into hot toast..

For a long while, the hunched-over Adam and the standing-still Eve remained quietly  together,  gazing collectively across the playing field, but never losing their attractive awareness of the green enigma in left.

Finally, Eve broke the silence with a smile..

“Hand me your stick, Adam,” Eve said.”Maybe I can teach you how to use it intelligently.”

And that’s the way things were – as Adam and Eve first headed toward the big inning.

Freudian Slips Field Psychiatric All Stars

March 11, 2011

"Yes, this is our Freudian Slips team logo. I trust that my open-mindedness shall be duly footnoted for the ages." - Sigmind Freud.

“The Freudian Slips” is the team name I’ve chosen for my greatest psychiatric club of all time. So, here they are, listed by picture, in batting order, and by position, the nine greatest figures in the history of psychology. With each player, also, we have asked each all star to give us a brief soundbite answer to the question: “What is the game of baseball all about on at its deepest level of ontological meaning?” I am convinced that you shall find our Freudian Slips player answers both convincing and appropriately rooted in their individually established credos and previous publicly stated contributions to our understandings of life in general.

Starting Lineup for The Freudian Slips and Their Answers to the Question: “What Is Baseball All About?”:

(1) Sigmund Freud

(1) Sigmund Freud, SS-Mgr. “We all possess only one psychic energy tank for all matters pertaining to love and labor. As a result, I have only two rules for my players: (a) Leave love alone on the days we labor at baseball; and (b) Play the game as though you are trying to beat out your fathers for the undivided attention of your mothers. That’s it. Our time is up.

“Oh, yes! Pay your fee to my mother, the receptionist, on the way out and, by all means, would you like a prescription for cocaine? It will pep you up inside, keep you going till supper.”


(2) Carl Jung

(2) Carl Jung, LF. “For the longest time, I was relegated to left field for my strong beliefs in the collective universal unconscious. This brought about some stigmatization and abandonment of me by Herr Freud and his sexual energy crowd, but that’s of no concern to me now. I’m dead, like almost all of my Slips teammates.

To understand baseball, we must all dig down deep into ourselves for the lessons of the collective unconscious. The wisdom of the ages awaits us there. It is from the collective unconscious that we outfielders first learn how to play the wind, the sun, the effect of different pitchers upon specific hitters in certain game situations, and to always try to throw ahead of the runner and be sure to hit your cut-off man on throws back into the infield.

As for hitting, Yogi Berra said it best. Forget all my theory in volumes of effort at such a game moment. As Herr Berra said, ‘One cannot think and bat at the same time.’ “

(3) B.F. Skinner

(3) B.F. Skinner, 1B. “As the father of operant conditioning, I have proven beyond the shadow of all doubt that change is effected by the consistent introduction of the same stimulus to the same subject over time. If you want to become a better batter, you must get more at bats; if you want to get better at fielding ground balls, you must be willing to take infield practice.

“Summary: Baseball is about doing things over and over again until you either get them right to the best of your ability or otherwise prove that you are too stupid and inept to learn.”



 

 

(4) William James

 

(4) William James, RF. “For me, the value of  truth is always relative to the perception of importance it holds for the individual. As longs as I am able to hold onto and defend that kind of idea, I shall be able to stand in the “right field” no matter where I am.

“So. as for the value of baseball, the truth is. it’s very important to western civilization, but you must perceive that it even matters more than soccer for my words to make any sense.

“Perception is reality. If you don’t believe that its ‘three strikes and you’re out,’ I may only conclude that you shall continue to stay in the batter’s box, awaiting the next pitch.

“Would you like to wind my cuckoo clock?”

 

(5) Franz Mesmer

(5) Franz Mesmer, C.  

“As the researcher in charge of all the first studies of  animal magnetism, I was a natural selection for the position of catcher. Other people have always been attracted to me. Some even say that they find my gaze to be downright ‘mesmerizing.” Yes, that’s me, the grandfather of the early work that leads to the later evolution of hypnosis. Pretty nice contribution, don’t you think?

“As for the importance of baseball, it’s big. I didn’t grow up with the game, but I’ve been going to games at all the heavenly parks on a regular basis ever since I discovered hot dogs. For me, hot dogs truly are an ‘out-of-this-world’ experience. That’s how I came to a discovery of my own playing abilities. – Now, if you will excuse me, I need to find a mirror. It’s time for my staring break.”

(6) Eric Fromm

 

(6) Eric Fromm. 2B. “If I am to play well as the second baseman for the Freudian Slips, it shall not happen because I ‘have’ the position. It will be because I am that man – the best they could find.

Baseball is important, but it should be great based on the extant greatness of the players themselves, and not based as simply another hokum culture in which success is measured by who makes the most money by the aura of their their prospects for greatness in the future and the ways their representatives convert these into stupefying multi-year contracts.

 

 


(7) Jacob Moreno

 

(7) Jacob Moreno, 3b. “As the father of psychodrama, and the starting third baseman for the Freudian Slips, I never saw a game situation that lacked drama. Some players may lack drama, but the game of baseball, never!

Baseball is important because it gives all of us who play it well the chance to be superstar thespians with our emotional investment in the play itself. I love nothing better than those times I have to swagger in on bunts down the line. The barehand pick up is my style. And the horse-whip throw to first in time to nail the runner is my execution. From there it’s a chin in the air gaze of triumph and trash-walking mock of the batter in my saunter back to the bag.

(8) Carl Rogers

 

(8) Carl Rogers, CF. “Like the core of an onion, the importance of baseball is only revealed when we peel off the layers of everything it is not to discover what remains. – The beauty of baseball is not about how much money you make, or having Cameron Diaz as a girl friend, or being forced by contract to visit sick children in hospitals, it is about the inner passion that flows from the heart of the game itself – and the heart of the game itself operates on the three great pumps of faith, hope, and love.”

 

 

 

 

(9) Charlie Sheen

 

(9) Charlie “WIld Thing” Sheen. “What’s baseball about? … DUH!! ………. WINNING!!!”

Caesar at the Bat, Part II

February 11, 2011

"Walk softly and carry a big stick." - Julius Caesar

In a never-ending fascination with most variants of “Casey at the Bat” that continually play their way through the theater of our collective baseball consciousness, here’s another one that has landed and begged to be blogged. It’s is similar to one that first wrote its way through me last September upon our return from Rome, but I like this one better. Unfortunately, the Muse ran away before this little dance received its just title and I am left with little more to say than – here is “Caesar at the Bat, Part II:” (by Bill MCurdy)

The outlook wasn’t brilliant for the Roman Guard that day:
 The score stood IV to II, with but one inning more to play.
 And then when Cassius died at first, and Brutus did the same, A sickly silence fell upon the patrons of the game.

A straggling few got up to go in deep despair. The rest clung to that hope which springs eternal in the human breast; They thought, if only Caesar could get but a whack at that -
We’d put up even money, now, with Caesar at the bat.

But Claudius preceded Caesar, as did also Marcus Tony, And the former was a lulu and the latter was a phony; So upon that stricken multitude grim melancholy sat, For there seemed but little chance of Caesar’s getting to the bat.

But Claudius let drive a single, to the wonderment of all, And Marc, the much despis-ed, tore the cover off the ball; And when the dust had lifted, and the men saw what had occurred, There was Tony a-safe at second and old Claude a-hugging third.

Then from 5,000 throats and more there rose a lusty yell;
It rumbled through the Forum, it startled Cleo’s cat; It knocked upon the Gates of Rome, and recoiled all idle chat, For Caesar, mighty Caesar, was advancing to the bat.

There was ease in Caesar’s manner as he stepped into his place; The fact we wore no pants, this day, caused a blush of mild disgrace. And then, responding to the jeers, he quickly plucked a leaf, and placed it where it ought to be, to sighs of great relief.

Ten thousand eyes were on him as he rubbed his hands with dirt; Five thousand tongues applauded, when he wiped them on, what – his shirt? Then while the writhing pitcher ground the ball into his hip, defiance gleamed in Caesar’s eye, a sneer curled Caesar’s lip.

And now the leather-covered sphere came hurtling through the air, And Caesar stood a-watching it, in haughty grandeur there. Close by the sturdy batsman, the ball unheeded sped -
”That ain’t my style,” hailed Caesar. “Strike I,” the umpire said.

From the benches, black with people, there went up a muffled roar, Like the beating of the legion-waves – on a stern and distant shore. “Kill him! Kill the empire-spoiler!” shouted someone in the stand; and it’s likely they’d a-killed him too – had not Caesar raised his hand.

With a smile of Roman charity, great Caesar’s visage shone; he stilled the rising tumult; he bade the game go on; He signaled to the pitcher, and once more the spheroid flew; but Caesar still ignored it, and the umpire said, “Strike II.”

“Fraud!” cried the maddened thousands, and an echo answered fraud; But one scornful look from Caesar and the audience was awed. They saw his face grow stern and cold, they saw his muscles strain, And they knew that mighty Caesar wouldn’t let that ball go by again.

The sneer is gone from Caesar’s lip, his teeth are clenched in hate; He pounds with august violence – his bat upon the plate. And now the pitcher holds the ball, and now he lets it go, And now the air is shattered by the force of Caesar’s blow.

Oh, somewhere in this favored land, the sun is shining bright; The violins play somewhere, and somewhere wine pours light, And somewhere men are laughing, and somewhere children shout; but there is no joy in Rome today – naked Caesar has struck out.

**********************************************

Other News: Lefty O’Neal, the author of “Dreaming in the Majors, Living in the Bush,” has asked that I inform everyone “that  my article started on milb.com today.” That’s all I can tell you on that one. You will have go to mlb.com and search it out.

Jimmy Wynn Book Signing at Barnes & Noble, Deerbrook Mall, Tomorrow, Saturday, Feb. 12th, 3-5 PM. Jimmy and I will be there to talk about his book and have Jimmy sign copies for book purchasers. If you can make it, please join us. Deerbrook Mall is located out 59N near Humble.


Ode to a Troubled Rookie Pitcher

December 12, 2010

What if Max Patkin: sang advice to a drunk rookie free agent pitcher who showed up stewed for spring training? In my own thinking on things, I imagine it might go something like the following little diddy. (Sung to the melody of "The Christmas Song.")

 

Baseballs resting – in the morning sun,

Jack Dan dripping – from your nose;

Springtime trial – is your fat in the fire,

You best be grateful – I suppose.

 

Everybody knows – a turkey – in the starting “ro”,

Helps to make the season slight.

Hungry bats – with their eyes all aglow,

Will find it hard to sleep – tonight.

 

They know that hits – are on the way;

They’ve loaded lots of hope for big times – on this day;

And every motheroo – is going to try,

To see if they make – your fastball – flat fly.

 

And so – I’m offering – this simple phrase,

To kids – from one – to ninety-two,

Although it’s been said – many times – many ways,

“SOBER UP, KID – YOU’RE SCREWED.”

The Ballad of Billy Wagner

October 21, 2010

Billy Wagner: 422 Career Regular Season Saves

Billy Wagner is retiring from the game. The following is intended purely as a good-natured tribute to one of the greatest closers in the history of baseball.

THE BALLAD OF BILLY WAGNER

(sung to the tune of “the Beverly Hillbillies” TV series theme)

Come ‘n listen to my story ’bout a man named Billy,

Poor Mountaineer ~ livin’ broke and willy-nilly.

An’ then one day, he stepped outside to throw some great big rocks,

And up came an Astros scout and signed him outta hock!

 

Astros baseball contract, that is! ~ Pure gold! ~ Texas closer tea!

 

Well, the next thing ya know, young Bill’s a millionaire

Kin-folks sed, ~ “Bill, ~ go change yer underwear.”

They sed “Houston, Texas is the place yer gonna be,

And you cain’t go to Houston smellin’ of our misery!”

 

Hills, that is! ~ West Virginia muck! ~

Possum soup and Hoover bugs!

 

Billy chunked his dirty clothes, and he took hisself a bath.

Then he looked at his new contract and he quickly did the math.

“If they pay for throwin’ baseballs like they pay for hurlin’ rocks,

Ah can git a better deal ~ and make out like a fox!”

 

Multi-years, that is! ~ Millions of bucks! ~

Dadgum shore-fire good-at-the-bank MLB TV Dollars!

 

Ol’ Billy bought a Houston mansion. ~ Lawdy, it was swank.

He did real good at ‘pitchin ~ and he took ’em to the bank.

Next time they signed him up ~ it cost about a jillion bucks,

And then the Astros brung his pay ~ in six great big ole trucks.

 

“Guaranteed, that is! ~ Don’t matter if ah do or ah don’t! ~

Ah still gits mah pay! ~ No matter what! ~ It’s in mah contract!”

 

He got traded off to Philly, windin’ up with them old Mets!

Moved to Boston, then Atlanta, for his last few big league pets!

A ton of big Saves later, he’s just ready for a rest!

So let him go in peace, old friends, and please don’t be a pest!

 

Well now it’s time to say goodbye to Billy and his kin,

His words and big ole contract both done finally did him in.

Next time we see The Sandman he’ll be just plain rich guy Billy,

Thinkin’ back to when his big mouth got him traded off to Phillie!

 

Duck everybody! ~ Duck big time!

Here comes the guy the Astros traded for Brandon Duckworth!

And we still ain’t got no ballad for that guy’s Houston beginnings!

Has anybody checked out Billy’s 422 Saves total lately?

Is he really walkin’ away from the game with that big-o-bunch?

 

Oh well, ~ Ya’ll come back now – anyhow! –

And join us in Houston for a little commiseratin’!

We’re startin’ to miss Ole Billy Boy ‘round these parts,

And more and more so by the day!

Rome Adventure

September 24, 2010

Buongiorno from Rome!

We just got back from a nine-day pilgrimmage to the Vatican, Rome, Assisi, and Florence with a lively and intrepid group of fellow parishioners from St. John Vianney Catholic Church on the west side of Houston. Aside from the considerable spiritual benefits for us in going there with our pastor, the Rev. Father Troy Gately,  The slice of-it-all sightseeing tour into the history of our western culture was nothing short of awesome. I couldn’t begin to recapture it all, but to have now visited the Coliseum, the Roman Forum, the tombs of both St. Peter and Julius Caesar, the Sistine Chapel, St. Peter’s, while also seeing The Pieta and David, Michelangelo’s two arguably greatest works of sculpture, plus all the other great works of art and architecture in southern Italy we could cram into a short time was, well, more than worth all the walking up hills and down cobblestone streets for hours. One day we walked for about five straight hours without so much as stopping for water or a bathroom break.

Bataan was deadly; our walk was merely daunting. I’m glad we did it, but I don’t know if I could do it again, not at the pace we just completed.

We did our photos with a family leprechaun. That building in the back is not the Astrodome.

As we were leaving town, our son Neal left us a note, asking us to take some photos at certain points with the “family leprechaun” along the way so that he could feel a little more closely like he had made the trip too. The little green guy has been in the family as a Christmas Tree ornament forever, but he has taken on greater status as a family mascot in more recent times and we take good care of him. We’re a little eccentric and superstistitous about such things, but we also don’t care what the world thinks. It works for us. It’s also fun to be free enough to do things like leprechaun photography.

We attended a Papal Audience with Pope Benedict XVI on Sept. 22.

On Wednesday, September 22, 2010, we attended a general papal audience with Pope Benedict XVI in St. Petee’s Square. For those os who are Catholic, it was the opportunity of a lifetime. I’ll certainly never forget it.

We got back to Houston yesterday, Thursday, September 23, at 7:00 PM Houston time. Our inner clocks were already on Friday,  September 24, at 2:00 AM Rome time.

Still are, I think, but neither my wife Norma nor I have  been able to sleep, even though our time lapse says we ought to be totally unconscious by now. Well, if I could be, I would be – and not sitting here trying to write some kind of sensible report on our Rome adventure.

When I’m able, I plan to do an album for my Webshots.Com photo site on Rome. I just hope I don’t get the crazy idea to try it today. I took close to 2,000 photos while we were in Italy.

It’s good to be back, but I’ll stop here, for now, with a little jet lag parody on “Caesar at the Bat,” inspired by this larger than life body sculpture of a Roman important god or person carrying what appears to be the largest baseball bat of all time. I doubt it was Caesar in the photo here, but he is close enough to a Caesarean inspiration to fire a little work on the man with the far more famous place in Roman history.

That much said, I bid you all good morning, good day, and good night – whatever it happens to be. Rome was nice, but it’s good to be home again in Houston.

Caesar at the Bat

The outlook wasn’t brilliant for the Romeville nine that day: The score stood IV to II, with but one inning more to play. And then when Cassius died at first, and Brutus did the same, a sickly silence fell upon the patrons of the game.

A straggling few got up to go in deep and dark despair. The rest clung to that hope which springs eternal in the human breast; they thought, if only mighty Caesar could get but a whack at that. -
We’d put up even money, now, with Caesar at the bat.

But Longinus preceded Caesar, as did also Anthony. 
And the former was a geezer and the latter was anathemy;
 so upon that stricken multitude grim melancholy sat, for there seemed but little chance of Caesar’s getting to the bat.

But Longinus drove a single, to the wonderment of all, and Anthony, the lover boy blue, tore the cover off the ball; and when the dust had lifted, and the men saw what had occurred, there was Tony safe at second and Longinus hugging third.

Then from 250,000 throats and more there rose a lusty yell; It rumbled through the Forum, it rattled in the dell; It knocked upon the Hills of Rome and recoiled upon the flat, for Caesar, mighty Caesar, was advancing to the bat.

There was ease in Caesar’s manner as he stepped into his place; there was pride in Caesar’s bearing and a smile on Caesar’s face. And when, responding to the cheers, he doffed his gold wreath hat, no stranger in the crowd could doubt, ’twas Caesar at the bat.

Half a million eyes were on him as he rubbed his hands on a eunuch; a quarter mil tongues applauded when he wiped them on his tunic. Then while the writhing pitcher ground the ball into his hip, defiance gleamed in Caesar’s eye, a sneer curled Caesar’s lip.

And now the leather-covered sphere came hurtling through the air, and Caesar stood a-watching it in haughty grandeur there. Close by the sturdy batsman, the ball unheeded sped-
”That ain’t my style,” Caesar said, improbably,. “Strike one,” the umpire said.

From the benches, black with people, there went up a muffled roar, like the beating of the storm-waves on a stern Mediterranean shore. “Kill him! Kill the umpire!” shouted a Roman from the stand; and it’s likely they’d a-killed him, had not Caesar raised his hand.

With a smile of omnipotent charity, great Caesars’s visage shone; he stilled the rising tumult; he bade the game go on; he signaled to the pitcher, and once more the spheroid flew; but Caesar still ignored it, and the umpire said, “Strike two.”

“Fraud!” cried the maddened thousands, and the echo answered fraud; but one scornful look from Caesar and the audience was awed. They saw his face grow stern and cold, they saw his muscles strain, and they knew that Caesar wouldn’t let that ball go by again.

The sneer is gone from Caesar’s lip, his teeth are clenched in hate; he pounds with cruel violence his bat upon the plate. And now the pitcher holds the ball, and now he lets it go, and now the air is shattered by the force of Caesar’s blow.

Oh, somewhere in this favored land, the sun is shining bright; the band is playing somewhere, and somewhere hearts are light, and somewhere men are laughing, and somewhere children shout; but there’s no sweet joy in Romeville. – A dagger slung by Brutus – has taken Caesar out.