Posts Tagged ‘Charlie Sheen’

Freudian Slips Field Psychiatric All Stars

March 11, 2011

"Yes, this is our Freudian Slips team logo. I trust that my open-mindedness shall be duly footnoted for the ages." - Sigmind Freud.

“The Freudian Slips” is the team name I’ve chosen for my greatest psychiatric club of all time. So, here they are, listed by picture, in batting order, and by position, the nine greatest figures in the history of psychology. With each player, also, we have asked each all star to give us a brief soundbite answer to the question: “What is the game of baseball all about on at its deepest level of ontological meaning?” I am convinced that you shall find our Freudian Slips player answers both convincing and appropriately rooted in their individually established credos and previous publicly stated contributions to our understandings of life in general.

Starting Lineup for The Freudian Slips and Their Answers to the Question: “What Is Baseball All About?”:

(1) Sigmund Freud

(1) Sigmund Freud, SS-Mgr. “We all possess only one psychic energy tank for all matters pertaining to love and labor. As a result, I have only two rules for my players: (a) Leave love alone on the days we labor at baseball; and (b) Play the game as though you are trying to beat out your fathers for the undivided attention of your mothers. That’s it. Our time is up.

“Oh, yes! Pay your fee to my mother, the receptionist, on the way out and, by all means, would you like a prescription for cocaine? It will pep you up inside, keep you going till supper.”


(2) Carl Jung

(2) Carl Jung, LF. “For the longest time, I was relegated to left field for my strong beliefs in the collective universal unconscious. This brought about some stigmatization and abandonment of me by Herr Freud and his sexual energy crowd, but that’s of no concern to me now. I’m dead, like almost all of my Slips teammates.

To understand baseball, we must all dig down deep into ourselves for the lessons of the collective unconscious. The wisdom of the ages awaits us there. It is from the collective unconscious that we outfielders first learn how to play the wind, the sun, the effect of different pitchers upon specific hitters in certain game situations, and to always try to throw ahead of the runner and be sure to hit your cut-off man on throws back into the infield.

As for hitting, Yogi Berra said it best. Forget all my theory in volumes of effort at such a game moment. As Herr Berra said, ‘One cannot think and bat at the same time.’ “

(3) B.F. Skinner

(3) B.F. Skinner, 1B. “As the father of operant conditioning, I have proven beyond the shadow of all doubt that change is effected by the consistent introduction of the same stimulus to the same subject over time. If you want to become a better batter, you must get more at bats; if you want to get better at fielding ground balls, you must be willing to take infield practice.

“Summary: Baseball is about doing things over and over again until you either get them right to the best of your ability or otherwise prove that you are too stupid and inept to learn.”



 

 

(4) William James

 

(4) William James, RF. “For me, the value of  truth is always relative to the perception of importance it holds for the individual. As longs as I am able to hold onto and defend that kind of idea, I shall be able to stand in the “right field” no matter where I am.

“So. as for the value of baseball, the truth is. it’s very important to western civilization, but you must perceive that it even matters more than soccer for my words to make any sense.

“Perception is reality. If you don’t believe that its ‘three strikes and you’re out,’ I may only conclude that you shall continue to stay in the batter’s box, awaiting the next pitch.

“Would you like to wind my cuckoo clock?”

 

(5) Franz Mesmer

(5) Franz Mesmer, C.  

“As the researcher in charge of all the first studies of  animal magnetism, I was a natural selection for the position of catcher. Other people have always been attracted to me. Some even say that they find my gaze to be downright ‘mesmerizing.” Yes, that’s me, the grandfather of the early work that leads to the later evolution of hypnosis. Pretty nice contribution, don’t you think?

“As for the importance of baseball, it’s big. I didn’t grow up with the game, but I’ve been going to games at all the heavenly parks on a regular basis ever since I discovered hot dogs. For me, hot dogs truly are an ‘out-of-this-world’ experience. That’s how I came to a discovery of my own playing abilities. – Now, if you will excuse me, I need to find a mirror. It’s time for my staring break.”

(6) Eric Fromm

 

(6) Eric Fromm. 2B. “If I am to play well as the second baseman for the Freudian Slips, it shall not happen because I ‘have’ the position. It will be because I am that man – the best they could find.

Baseball is important, but it should be great based on the extant greatness of the players themselves, and not based as simply another hokum culture in which success is measured by who makes the most money by the aura of their their prospects for greatness in the future and the ways their representatives convert these into stupefying multi-year contracts.

 

 


(7) Jacob Moreno

 

(7) Jacob Moreno, 3b. “As the father of psychodrama, and the starting third baseman for the Freudian Slips, I never saw a game situation that lacked drama. Some players may lack drama, but the game of baseball, never!

Baseball is important because it gives all of us who play it well the chance to be superstar thespians with our emotional investment in the play itself. I love nothing better than those times I have to swagger in on bunts down the line. The barehand pick up is my style. And the horse-whip throw to first in time to nail the runner is my execution. From there it’s a chin in the air gaze of triumph and trash-walking mock of the batter in my saunter back to the bag.

(8) Carl Rogers

 

(8) Carl Rogers, CF. “Like the core of an onion, the importance of baseball is only revealed when we peel off the layers of everything it is not to discover what remains. – The beauty of baseball is not about how much money you make, or having Cameron Diaz as a girl friend, or being forced by contract to visit sick children in hospitals, it is about the inner passion that flows from the heart of the game itself – and the heart of the game itself operates on the three great pumps of faith, hope, and love.”

 

 

 

 

(9) Charlie Sheen

 

(9) Charlie “WIld Thing” Sheen. “What’s baseball about? … DUH!! ………. WINNING!!!”