Top Ten Reasons Why The Astros Have a Better Chance of Reaching the World Series Than the Texans Do of Reaching the Super Bowl.

Drayton McLane, Houston Astros.

10. The Astros don’t have to worry about finding a running game. If there’s any running to be done, the Astros have Michael Bourn.

9. The Astros play their games in Minute Maid Park, which already saw a World Series in its sixth year of play. The Texans, however, play their games at Reliant Stadium, which has only seen the Carolina Panthers play there and the New England Patriots win there in a Super Bowl. Reliant is also too close to the moribund and without-a-Super-Bowl-action-champion-site-of-any-kind as the Astrodome for over forty years,

8. The Astrodome and Reliant Stadium are rumored to have been built on the site of a Native American burial ground. Minute Maid Park was built on the site  of the former Union Station, a ground walked upon by every major champion from all sports and all walks of life in the 20th century who ever visited Houston.

7. Lightning regularly strikes Minute Maid Park at 3:00 AM following every Astros home-stand opening game win. These events are usually followed by double-digit win streaks by the Astros and instant wealth and social good fortune for all fans who happened to have been sitting in the area of the ballpark that was later that night struck by lightning.

6. Relative to each other geographically in Houston, the Astros are located to the north and the Texans are situated to the south. As everybody who has studied history already knows, the North always wins. Right?

Bob McNair, Houston Texans.

5. Astro fans main-gate the ballpark, going inside and pouring all of their positive energies into pulling for the Astros live at the actual game. Many Texan fans simply tail-gate in the parking lots next to Reliant Stadium and never go inside. They watch the game on portable television sets and are too busy pouring beer down their gullets to pour positive energy live into the Texans.

4. As a source of good-buddy-knowledge talent, the Astros rely upon outcasts from the lately very successful Philadelphia Phillies. The Texans rely upon refugees from the so-so Denver Broncos.

3. The Astros once traded Larry Andersen to Boston for a rookie named Jeff Bagwell. The Texans once used the top pick in the NFL draft to select Mario Williams over either Vince Young or Reggie Bush.

2. Astros owner Drayton McLane is in the wholesale grocery business. He could afford to feed his club during hard times. Astros owner Bob McNair is into oil and horse racing Axle grease on horse meat burgers does not sound like a diet that many Texans could sustain over time.

1. Tal Smith is President of Baseball Operations for the MLB Astros. Rick Smith is General Manager of the NFL Texans. Astros take home the “Senior Smithsonian of Sports Award.”

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