Maltese Falcons Come Close, But No Cigar

Life's greatest lesson has now been reenforced by our loss to the New England Patriots - and ithat is to - 'always avoid presumption in all human matters.'."- Kasper Gutman

Life’s greatest lesson has now been reenforced by our Maltese Falcons’ loss to the New England Patriots – and that lesson, most simply, is to – ‘always avoid presumption in all matters of human trust and performance’.” – Kasper Gutman

 

Editorial Note: For this column to make any sense, please make sure you’ve first read what launched it into publication today at yesterday’s column. Thank you for both your patience and general kindness. – The Pecan Park Eagle.

Yesterday’s Column Link: 

https://bill37mccurdy.com/2017/02/05/what-if-the-maltese-falcons-took-on-the-pats/

Super Bird Bowl I

New England Patriots 34 – Maltese Falcons 28

NRG Stadium, Houston TX, January 5, 2017

Score By Quarters of Play:

 

Super Bird Bowl I 1 2 3 4 0T Final
New England Patriots 0 3 6 19 6 – 34
Maltese Falcons 0 21 7 0 0 – 28

 

It was “close, but no cigar” for Playing Coach and Quarterback Sam Spade of the Maltese Falcons yesterday. When all seemed well in hand for a blowout victory by the upstart Maltese version of the fighting Falcons yesterday, the legendary New England Patriots came roaring back from a 28-3, 25-point deficit in the 3rd quarter to tie the game with less than a minute to go that sent the game into overtime. The Patriots then won the toss, took the ball, marched efficiently and athletically down the field and winning the game on a two-yard gallop right by Pats running back James White. The nose of the ball broke the plane to complete the 31-point total.

It will take a long time, if ever, before we see another Super Bowl – or Super Bird Bowl – or championship football game by any name – that even comes close to rivaling this one for the sheer volume of  incredible  joy and agony that was spawned in Houston today. This game will vibrate down the ages, and those who saw it who really care about the outcomes of it shall have no choice but to carry the wings of hope – or the anchors of despair – that accompanies this one for the rest of their human lives.

The Maltese Falcons got off to a good start early in the second quarter after the two clubs battled each other even defensively through a 0-0 first stanza. Then, Falcons linebacker Kasper Gutman stripped a ball away from a Pats runner and the momentum changed. With only 1:53 gone in the second quarter, Joel Cairo then took a pitch out for the Falcons from QB Sam Spade at the Pats 5 yard line and ran left before leaping into the end zone for the first score of the game. After kicker Brigid O’Shaughnessy drilled the extra point, the Falcons led, 7-0.

Cairo didn’t stop there. He went super crazy good only minutes later, catching a 40 Bleed Right pass from Spade from 19 yards out that raised the Falcons lead to 14-0. But crazy was only getting started. Before anyone could say “half time – time for Lady GaGa”, the amazing Kasper Gutman picked off a Tom Brady pass and took it 82 amazing yards to the house. In spit of is great girth, none of the stunned Patriot offensive players could catch him. Stunned himself by his surprising newfound skill, Gutman offered a rather professorial explanation.

“We’ll never be sure really, but I think it may be related to my decades old search for the real black bird that is now the namesake of our new Falcons team. Like the digging out of that Pats fumble earlier, getting actual possession of the ball suddenly became my obsession as strongly as my lifelong pursuit of the true Maltese Falcon. Once I got my hands on it from that errant Brady pass, I wasn’t about to let any of New England gents take it back from me. So (loud guffaw laughter “HA-HAA!!” followed) I suppose I must have some real muscle behind all the fat in these speedy loins!” (another “Ha-Haa!” followed).

Miss O’Shaughnessy got the Falcons on the board with a field goal with 2:19 left in the half, but a 21-3 deficit didn’t look good for the Maltese Falcons going into the second half.

When Sam Spade then hit his old detective agency partner, Miles Archer, for a 6-yard TD pass with 4:14 gone in the 3rd quarter, the Falcons’ new lead of 28-3 looked even more like a coffin nail in the Patriots’ chances for a win. To win now, the Pats would almost surely have to stop all further scoring by the Falcons and also score, at least 4 times, and probably have to pick up a couple of two point conversions to boot.

But guess what? That’s almost exactly what happened! As reflected the rest of the way by the scoring, it was all by the Patriots – all 31 points of it!

For sake of now questionable brevity here, the remaining scoring flow, from the time the Pats were down 28-3 in the 3rd Quarter:

Third Quarter

Score was 21-3, Falcons, starting the 3rd quarter.

Falcons TD with PAT made it Falcons, 28-3

Patriots TD with missed PAT made it Falcons, 28-9

Patriots TD (missed PAT) NE down, 9-28

Fourth Quarter

Score was 28-9, Falcons, starting 4th quarter.

Patriots FG made it 28-12, Falcons

Patriots TD with 2-pt. conversion made it 28-20, Falcons

Patriots TD with 2-pt. conversion made it a 28-28 tie

Over Time

Patriots TD won Super Bird Bowl I Bowl for New England, 34-28.

WOW! The greatest comeback in any kind of Super Bowl History!

The 5th Super Bowl of any kind as another win for Belichik and Brady!

And finally – the decisive proof that Tom Brady is absolutely the greatest NFL quarterback of all time!

"The Stuff that Dreams are Made of"

“The Stuff that Dreams are Made of”

 

When asked what he thought of Tom Brady’s accomplishment, Maltese Falcon QB Sam Spade smiled through the cigarette that dangled from his clenched lips to utter his thoughts from a stool near his locker at NRG.

“It’s been said before, but Tom Brady deserves it big time tonight,” Sam Spade ventured. – “What he did tonight – was a reality version of ‘the stuff that dreams are made of ‘- now – and forever.”

____________________

eagle-0range
 Bill McCurdy

Publisher, Editor, Writer

The Pecan Park Eagle

Houston, Texas

 

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