The Big 12 Funny Papers

Early August, 2016 ….

Big 12 Conscience:

Big 12 Conscience: “Why don’t we give UH and BYU a chance to join our conference? They could make us even stronger!”
Big 12 Leadership : “Sure, why not?”

Friday, October 14, 2016 ….

B 12 Commissioner:

B 12 Commissioner: “Hell, UH beat OU without the help of our money; Barry Switzer says “Hell, no to UH too!” – Barry says that we would just make UH stronger by letting them in – and to make it worse – UH Head Coach Herman gets a $5 million dollar bonus that we’re paying for if we let UH into the Big 12. – How dumb are we? – We gotta keep ’em out!”

The Big 12 Commissioner directs his administrative assistant, Snow White, to get a head count of the ten Big 12 schools who will back his plan to nebulously kill expansion, for now. “This is not a rejection of expansion as a possibility,” Big 12 Commissioner Bob Bowlsby emphasizes, with an incredible ability to keep a straight face without cracking into loud guffaws of laughter, “but it is a reinvestment in the strength of the ten clubs we now have.” It is more probable that ESPN has killed the move by offering the ten Big 12 clubs more money to not expand at this time, a move which could cost ESPN a whole lot of additional money as payments to the 2 to 4 new clubs.

The presidents of seven dwarf Big 12 dwarf schools show up to give their support to Commissioner Bowlsby's

The presidents of seven dwarf Big 12 schools show up to give their support to Commissioner Bowlsby’s “kill the expansion deal” plan. UT and Baylor weigh in on the same side later as Bowlsby prepares his Monday 10/17/16 press conference announcement.

After Big 12 Commissioner Bob Bowlsby’s droll news announcement, a weak old friend pays him a return visit.

Big 12 Conscience:

Big 12 Conscience: “How could you speak to the world as you just did, Mr. Bowlsby?”
Big 12 Commissioner: “Give me a break, Jiminy! You know I tell the truth whenever it’s convenient!”


 Bill McCurdy

Publisher, Editor, Writer

The Pecan Park Eagle

Houston, Texas


6 Responses to “The Big 12 Funny Papers”

  1. Tom Hunter Says:

    Barry Switzer admitted that letting UH in the BIg 12 would be a mistake because it would affect OU’s ability to recruit out of Harris County, which he said had the best players in the country.

  2. Anthnony Cavender Says:

    A short-sighted decision by the Big 12. The conference needs the attention it would receive in a big city.

  3. Wayne Roberts Says:

    IMHO it’s money. Sorry, but no way UH was ever going to get in, non-Texas Big 12 schools think there are too many Texas schools in the Big 12 already. There is a voting block even if UT was politically coerced to go against its better judgment and vote to let UH in. It doesn’t matter how many games UH wins or against who–no one has forgotten UH’s persona of the 1980s and the Yeoman scandal adds additional taint to the reputation. After the cheezy temporary stands fell down at Roberson Stadium DeLoss Dodds said UT would never play Cougar High again. Ever. Of course Dodds is gone so that works to your favor. Maybe Fertitta or Khatur can pay off ESPN but don’t bet on it. You may have better luck trying to get the Aggies to help you into the SEC but I doubt it. They don’t like UH either.

    Big 12 (or little 10) gets all the attention they need from Houston. Herman will be gone after this season, maybe to UT. But I doubt UT would consider a UH coach. UT is stewing in its own juices as is.

    • Bill McCurdy Says:

      Wayne, I can see the unwinnable argument that you and I could put into motion about UH/UT, if we weren’t both old enough to value our collegial friendship over baseball as more important. The only two things here that I think we agree upon are the fact that UH probably will lose Tom Herman now, but many of us Cougars will continue to hope against hope that it doesn’t happen anytime soon, if t all. Our hopes are based upon our second area of agreement: that college football is all about the politics of who gets to control the money tree – and the availability of big money to buy what you really want – when money is the deciding factor – which it usually is in college football – and always is – for ESPN and the other networks that cover sports.

      • Wayne Roberts Says:

        We agree on a lot more than you may think. What’s happening with UH and the little 10 is not fair or necessarily right, it’s just the way it is. The information I have on the non-Texas voting block which I’ve not seen reported in the papers is from someone involved in the earliest most recent discussion on expansion (and it is not a UT source). Why BYU was excluded is well covered by the media. The Kansas and Oklahoma schools, Iowa State and WVA don’t like the fact that Texas already has 4 schools. I’d love kicking out Baylor and TCU and replacing with UH. I don’t trust the integrity of those two programs for the same reason I don’t trust Kansas State–you don’t get to be that good, that fast without something being awry–a la Pony Excess at SMU. That may be unfairly tainting TCU but not the other two. I suspect UH is now clean. I still would’ve preferred UT and TAMU to join the PAC with a north and south division but the PAC didn’t want TAMU. Louisville and Cincinnati would’ve been great additions to the little 10 with respect to basketball, not much else.

        The person UT needs to hire is the UH AD who keeps coming up with these young feeder coaches.

      • Bill McCurdy Says:

        “The person UT needs to hire is the UH AD who keeps coming up with these young feeder coaches.”
        – Wayne Roberts.

        Wayne- Two UH AD’s hired the four most recent UH Head football coaches, and neither of them was our current UH Athletics Veep, Hunter Yurachek.

        AD Dave Maggard hired UH Head Football Coach # 12, Art Briles, on 12/06/2002 and HFC # 13, Kevin Sumlin, on 12/14/2007. Maggard then retired and in came Mack Rhoades to replace him at the AD spot (which UH now calls the Vice-President of Athletics).

        Athletics Veep Mack Rhoades then hired HFC # 14, Tony Levine, on 12/22/2011. Levine wasn’t all that great and Rhoades replaced him on 12/16/2014 with our current Adonis of Victory, and HFC # 15, Tom Herman.

        PS: My shift from the “Herman’s leaving” to the “maybe not” hopeful/wishful category breathed air from this morning’s new column that UH is re-committed to the idea that, “if it’s just money,” maybe Tom will stay:

        Now, after the short trip that Mack Rhoades made through Missouri to the scandalized shores of Baylor, he is believed to be among those AD’s that views Herman as a diabetic does the cherry pie in the bakery shop window.

        Hopefully for UH, the bakery shop’s current efforts to raise the price of precious fresh cherry pie will send these swarming sugar addicts with their noses at the window off to the faraway day-old bread store for yesterday’s doughnuts.

        We of UH don’t want to impose a new head football coach search upon our Mr. Yurachek in the near future, if ever:

        Regards, and Hopefully/Wishfully, Bill 🙂

        PS: See the following column for an explanation of my rejuvenated hope for UH keeping Tom Herman. – If it’s just money, we now have some too.

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