Old Age is Not for Sissies

old-man

No Baseball Game Today!

But thanks to friend Earl Aldridge in Missouri, here are a few geriatric anecdotes for those who have lived long enough to be prepared for the lesson that “growing old is not for sissies,” nor is it an adventure that will be at all pleasant without the presence of a sense of humor.

Thanks for the following stories, Earl. We don’t know where you got them, but who cares? They are right on point to some fairly common experiences we all may get to see a piece of in ourselves or loved ones over time. My late mom introduced me to the territory about 25 years ago when I attended a St. Patrick’s Day party in San Patricio, Texas, where the purest Irish blood in my family comes from.

Early in the day, Mom called me over for introductions one of her friends. “Bill,” Mom said, “I want you to meet a lady who is one of my dearest friends in the world ….” (A long pause followed as Mom turned to the woman standing beside us.) …. “Excuse me, dear,” Mom said to the lady, “what did you say your name was?”

You betcha! That was quite a party. – It was good that the woman was compassionate, understanding, and in possession of a sense of humor. After she then introduced herself to me, the friend turned back to Mom. “Don’t worry about it, Doris,” she said. “I forget all about you all the time,”  she added, as they both laughed and hugged.

These stories from Missouri should resonate everywhere:

1) The Ice Cream Bowl Request

A couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things. During a check-up, the doctor tells them that they’re physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember. Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair ‘Want anything while I’m in the kitchen?’ he asks.

‘Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?’

‘Sure.’

‘Don’t you think you should write it down so you can remember it?’ she asks.


‘No, I can remember it.’


‘Well, I’d like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should write it down, so as not to forget it?’


He says, ‘I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries.’


‘I’d also like whipped cream. I’m certain you’ll forget that, write it down?’ she asks.


Irritated, he says, ‘I don’t need to write it down, I can remember it! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream – I got it, for goodness sake!’


Then he toddles into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes, the old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs. She stares at the plate for a moment.

‘Where’s my toast?’

 

2) A Rose is Not Always the Rose that Comes to Mind

An elderly couple had dinner at another couple’s house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen. The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, ‘Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great. I would recommend it very highly.’ The other man said, ‘What is the name of the restaurant?’

The first man thought and thought and finally said, ‘What’s the name of that flower you give to someone you love? You know, the one that’s red and has thorns.’ 

‘Do you mean a rose?’

‘Yes, that’s the one,’ replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, ‘Rose, what’s the name of that restaurant we went to last night?’

 

3) Never Assume from the Obvious

Hospital regulations require a wheel chair for patients being discharged. However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly gentleman already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet, who insisted he didn’t need my help to leave the hospital. After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator.  On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him. ‘I don’t know,’ he said. ‘She’s still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown.’

 

4) Necessity is the Mother of Invention

A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy: ‘So I hear you’re getting married?’

‘Yep!’

‘Do I know her?’

‘Nope!’

‘This woman, is she good looking?’

‘Not really.’

‘Is she a good cook?’

‘Naw, she can’t cook too well.’

‘Does she have lots of money?’

‘Nope! Poor as a church mouse.’

‘Why in the world do you want to marry her then?’

‘Because she can still drive!’

 

5) Say again


A man was telling his neighbor, ‘I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it’s state of the art. It’s perfect.’

‘Really,’ answered the neighbor. ‘What kind is it?’

‘Twelve thirty.’

 

6) Get the Doctor to Write It Down


Morris , an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical. 


A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm. A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, ‘You’re really doing great, aren’t you?’  Morris replied, ‘Just doing what you said, Doc: ‘Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.”

The doctor said, ‘I didn’t say that! ….  I said, ‘You’ve got a heart murmur; be careful.!’

Two more ….

 

7) Falling …. It’s one way of getting to where you often think you need to be.

You know you’re getting older when you fall in your own house and the first thought that comes to mind upon hitting the floor  is – ‘I wonder what else I can get done as long as I’m down here?’

 

8) Nuts to You

A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool. … After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split. The waitress asked kindly, ‘Crushed nuts?’

‘No,’ he replied, ‘Arthritis.’

____________________

"Don't forget to keep moving, folks. Christmas is only 3 days away!"

“Don’t forget to keep moving, folks. Christmas is only 3 days away!”

 

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One Response to “Old Age is Not for Sissies”

  1. crzblue Says:

    Love the Christmas Baseball theme logo!! Merry Christmas.

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