Imaginary Christmas Gifts to Certain People


Imaginary Christmas Gifts to Certain People

  1. Jeff Luhnow, GM, Houston Astros ~ Gift: A line of credit that would allow him to buy. sell, or trade any of his other 2016 Christmas gifts from any source for ones of similar age, value, and potential for their near and long-term usefulness, cost, and control over time.
  2. Tal Smith, former President, Houston Astros  ~ Gift: A new landscaped back yard with a 30 degree angle ascending rise over the last forty feet of distance to the deepest center portion fence point, The rising turf will also include a 90 feet high flagpole and a gift card to Tal with the following simple inscription: “Dear Tal, we designed and constructed this landscaped hill in your honor. We also made sure that it was not built near any potential revenue streams that might interfere with our present gift intentions at a later time. The honor of naming this hill as you would like it to be remembered is yours.” 
  3. Mike Vance, Founder, Houston Arts and Media ~ Gift: We have to use a magical wish on this one. We wish that all the pats on the back that Mike gets from appreciative others for his numerous contributions to the preservation of Houston and Texas history came with an adhesive $100 bill that stuck to the back of his shirt each time that the slap came down upon his shoulder.
  4. Houston Astros Baseball Fans ~ Gift: A guarantee from club ownership that the elimination of certain high strike out ratio batters from the 2015 roster will not result in the 2016 extra use of AC fans in the MMP cooling system and an increase in the electricity bill that quickly translates into an increase in ticket prices.
  5. Sylvester Turner, Mayoral Candidate, City of Houston Run Off Election Tomorrow, 12/12/2015 ~ Gift: The Pecan Park Eagle casts their vote of support tomorrow for Sylvester Turner. We believe him to be the candidate who cares the most about Houston above the “pot-hole” level and we do think he will pursue all actions in a fiscally responsible manner. Based upon the candidate’s comments in last Friday’s Channel Two debate, Turner also appears to be the only candidate to genuinely care about the practical re-purposing and historic preservation of the Astrodome. If saving one of the world’s iconic architectural structures is your idea of “fiscal irresponsibility,” you probably ought to vote for the pot-hole guy.
  6. The Sugar Land Skeeters ~ Gift: In service to the expanded thematic use of their pesky mascot creature, we suggest that the club initiate another post-season award to any player who both leads the club only in those years in which the same man records the most home runs and strikeouts. The name of this award is suggested to be “The Sugar Land Skeeters Swat or Squat Award.”
  7. The MLB Players Union ~ Gift: With the players demanding more participation in everything baseball decides, how about including decisions about each club’s team uniform wardrobe. Grant them the right to insist upon the inclusion of a sleeveless jersey, ala Ted Kluszewski of the late 1950s Cincinnati Reds, or the 1960 Roberto Clemente Pittsburgh Pirates, which included a long sleeve black undergarment jersey. Tell the players also that they are only rejuggling the same letters in one word in a Second Amendment phrase by now asserting that they, the players,  have a constitutional right “to bare arms!”
  8. Bob Dorrill, SABR Houston Chapter Leader ~ Gift: Bob Dorrill is by nature one of those high energy people with incredible social schools for meeting and learning something about every stranger who crosses his path. He also leaves them smiling – and probably feeling better about themselves. Similar to Will Rogers, Bob Dorrill never meets a stranger he doesn’t want to meet – or so it seems. What gift are we proposing then for Mr. Bob Dorrill? Forget about it. In the case of Mr. Dorrill, he already possesses and lives out the greatest gift there is – and that is – the ego-free giving of oneself in the name of love to something bigger than himself and his personal needs. – Guess you will have to settle for a “Merry Christmas and Thank You from All of Us, Bob!”
  9. The Game of Baseball ~ Our Gift: Let’s continue to give it our true love, then we won’t have to worry about conscious renewals because, as you hopefully already know, true love always goes were it goes. We never own the object of our love, be it our partner, our child, or our passion. We are simply the collective curators of our caring about the object of our affection, caring always about its past, its present, and its future – and to how our caring influences the good or the bad, in this instance, of the game itself. So, in effect, our gift to baseball is the gift that comes back to us too.

What is the legacy of baseball, as we see it? And why is it important to the generations to come? And stop there to reflect. The better we develop our insight into those two areas over our lifetime, the better we shall come to understand what baseball and the baseball sub-culture is already giving to all of us now.

Merry Christmas, Everybody!




One Response to “Imaginary Christmas Gifts to Certain People”

  1. Tom Hunter Says:

    Regarding #7: The Colorado Rockies have an alternate sleeveless black jersey with the silver letters COLORADO and player number on the front. However, all the players wear a black short-sleeve T-shirt underneath–to look uniform. Not sure if a player would be allowed to wear this jersey without the undershirt a la Ted Kluszewski.

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