An Act of Contraction

“Bless me, Father, for I have slimmed!”
~ Homer Simpson Look-a-Like

An Act of Contraction


By Bill McCurdy (2015)


Bless me, Father – for I have slimmed.

I’ve lost ten pounds – and one of my chins.


It’s been ten days – since my last “Mac and Cheese”,

But you know me so well – always anxious to please.


I really miss pizza – chicken dumplings and such,

Apple pie lives on too – as a memory crunch.


But I firmly resolve – with the help of pure grapes,

To change those sin foods – to the diet of apes.


And just eat the green stuff – no sugar – no salt,

And lock all the fun stuff – in my memory vault.


For these big amends – to my many food sins,

I pray that this penance – finds its sweet starchy end.


But – one day in Heaven – when the cows find God’s Gate,

I still pray they end up – on everyone’s plate.




3 Responses to “An Act of Contraction”

  1. Michael McCroskey Says:

    Is this article a part of your mental preparation for the looming left field dinner buffet at our SABR gathering next Monday at the Skeeters’ game?

  2. Mike McCroskey Says:

    Guilty as charged, my friend!

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