The Eight-Legged Pitcher of Old Sportman’s Park

Phantom SP4

The Eight-Legged Pitcher of Old Sportsman’s Park


Bill McCurdy

~ in grateful appreciation for the creative proximity of the letters “E and “R’ on the standard typing keyboard.

The eight-legged pitcher of old Sportsman’s Park,

He never showed up ’til the evening grew dark,

But once he crawled over – that creaky old roof,

He stood all alone – as massive lone proof,

That he was the guy – who wouldn’t back down,

From Babe Ruth – or Gehrig – as the Biggest Bad Brown,

He’d make ’em sweat lemons – with just a mean frown!

And send them all home – every one – a sad clown.

He never got married – but he did have a wife,

Whose hairy coarse legs – were the joy of his life,

They never drew close – far away, she did stay,

“I can’t stand his rubbing! – It’s all the wrong way!”

But still they had children – only one, one fine day,

But he looked more human – than arachnid – they say.

With eight spidery legs – and eight human hands,

The Browns saw their chances – at filling the stands.

And so they all taught him – to throw the old ball,

With eight pitch command – and eight gears recall,

On each thunderous pitch – rabbit, snail – to the wall,

All the batters got pinned there – by the eight handed pitcher,

Who mowed ’em all down, righty, lefty, or switcher.

With eight golden gloves – in as many years pitching,

There wasn’t no need – for sad groaning and bitching.

But when the Browns left – in the spring of 5-4,

Old Spider just lost it – for pitching no more,

“I’m a St. Louis guy! – Go to hell, Baltimore”

So, Spider retired – to the County, some say,

But don’t be surprised – if he comes back again,

When the last Brownie standing – lifts his last toast of gin,

And he sees his last sunset – and prepares to turn in,

Look for Spider to show up – as the truest last Brown,

And try to find some way to turn things around.

Epilogue ~

Go, Browns! Never give up!

If it takes an eight-handed pitcher leading us to the truth,

So be it. We gotta have heart.

Miles and miles and miles of heart.

True yesterday. True today. True tomorrow.








2 Responses to “The Eight-Legged Pitcher of Old Sportman’s Park”

  1. Mike Says:

    Did he ever win the Cy Young Award like Bob Welch?

  2. Mark W. Says:

    I saw my first major league baseball game at Sportsman’s Park, in 1960. Stan Musial singled or doubled. Wish I could remember the opponent. But I think the game was in June – late June, or early July. I still have a pennant I bought at that game – a New York Yankees pennant!

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