What Happened When St. Peter Met Forrest Gump at the Pearly Gate.
The day finally arrives. Forrest Gump dies and is met at the Pearly Gate on his way to Heaven by St. Peter himself. As is routine, the Gates are closed as Forrest approaches, signs the check-in sheet, and takes a seat on the bench to await his admissions interview with St. Peter.
When St. Peter finally approaches Forrest Gump, he is kindly and clear in his communication with the simple man who once amazed the world in so many varied ways. “Hello, Forrest,” St. Peter smilingly says in a soft voice. “We’ve heard so much about you up here. I welcome you, but I have t advise you also. Because this place is filling up fast, the Lord has now put me in charge of administering a new three question test to all Heaven-eligible candidates. If you have led a good life, and if you can correctly answer the three questions I have for you, the Pearly gates will unlock, swing open, and bid you welcome to Heaven for all eternity.”
“Fair enough, Forrest?” Peter asks.
“Sounds about right to me,” Forrest answers. “I wasn’t expecting nothing like this, but that’s OK. You see, life, and now death, are both like a box of chocolates…”
“Yes, Forrest, we even know that one up here,” St. Peter interrupts. “You never know what you’re going to get. – Please. Just answer the questions I have for you. I’m sure things will be fine.”
“All right,” Forrest bellows.
“Let’s get started,” Peter urges. “Shall we?”
“All right,” Forrest again answers.
“All righty then,” Peter continues, “here’s the soup of things. I’m going to tell you your three questions, but I don’t want you to answer any of them right away. I want you to first think about them on the waiting area bench for about ten minutes before I again ask for your answers, one single question at a time. – Is that OK with you?”
“All right,” Forrest again says, in drone overdrive.
“Forrest Gump,” Peter says supportively, “here are your three questions for contemplation: First: What two days of the week begin with the letter ‘T’? – Second: How many seconds are there in a year? – And third: What is God’s first name?”
After revealing the questions, St. Peter walked quietly away as Forrest Gump sat expressionless on the bench alone for about ten minutes. Then St. Peter returned with a calm, clear advisory: “OK, Forrest, now I’m going to ask for your answers to each question. Get them all right and the Pearly Gates to Heaven shall swing wide open to you. – Miss one, and you don’t get in.”
“All right,” Forrest monotoned.
“First,” Peter stressed, “what are the two days of each week that begin with ‘T’?”
“That was the easiest one,” Forrest answered. “The two days of the week that begin with ‘T’ are Today and Tomorrow.”
Taken back, at first, St. Peter had to concede that his lack of clearer specificity had left the door open for Forrest’s answer. “Because you are correct in the strictest sense, I’m going to have to give you credit for your answers to the first question. Now let’s move along. Your next question was about the number of seconds in a single year. Were you able to do the math on that one in your head?”
“Didn’t need to do no math,” Forrest said. “I already knowed that there there’s 12 months in each year – and that each of them 12 months only has one 2nd to it – as in January 2nd, February 2nd, and so non, and so forth. Thy only count up to 23 and then you have to stop because you just run out of months. – The answer to the second question is the only one that cane be – there’s 12 seconds in every year,”
St. Peter’s head is now swimming over ho easy it is to follow the logic of Forrest Gump to a second answer that was both unexpected, but in easy bounds technically as another unexpected, but correct answer. “OK, Forrest, I won’t argue the point. I’ll give you credit for that one too, but you will have to answer the third question about God’s first name. I’m sure you’ve heard it somewhere.”
“That was the toughest one, Mr. St. Peter, Your Honor, Sir!” Forrest Gump gushed at the thought of how the light dawned on him, just as he had come close to giving up. “What helped me most was earlier when you told me to listen for the answers in the voice of the Lord and, being’s how I always heard God’s voice in his music, it suddenly occurred to me what it is. – God’s first name is Andy!”
“Andy?” Peter asked aghast. Andy?”
“Why sure,” Forest smiled. “Don’t you remember the mention of God’s name in the church song:”
Forrest breaks into song: “Andy walks – with me; Andy talks – with me; Andy tells me – that I am – his own.”
Somewhere in the second chorus, St. Peter had heard enough. His arms flung wide as the Pearly Gates also creaked open for Forrest Gump.
“Run, Forrest, run,” St. Peter shouted. “Get thine self through those Pearly Gates before some celestial bureaucrat comes around and changes the rules of the game for both of us.”
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Editorial Note: I can’t take credit for the origin of this story. A dear friend, Miriam Edelman, sent it to me the other day as one of those anonymous pieces that find their way into the FWD reincarnation life stream and bounce around forever from there. All I did was rewrite the composition and ending of the piece, retaining only the two character scenario and the three question set up for what I feel is a better ending.
The Pecan Park Eagle 
June 2, 2012 at 4:06 pm |
Mickey Mantle said once he dreamed he had died and was at the pearly gates. St. Peter said to him, “Mickey, we know who you are and with the things you’ve done in your life, I’m afraid I can’t let you in. But since you’re here, would you mind signing a few dozen balls for us?”
June 2, 2012 at 5:41 pm |
Bob:
The Mantle story is absolutely lights-out wonderful! – Makes you wonder how many autograph requests old Mick got from angel-cops who escorted him safely home in a drunken blackout state.