Sounds About Right

Leo Gorcey: Master of the Malaprop

If you’re old enough to remember The Bowery Boys movies from the 1940s, you’ve grown up with the misstated expression of speech as a fact of life. Sarah Palin would have felt right at home working the TV news with Leo Gorcey, who, as the chief Bowery Boy, was also the master of the malaprop when it comes to everyday efforts in communication.

I got to thinking (and that’s always dangerous): I wonder what Leo and Sarah would be like if they could team up as the early morning news team covering contemporary events in Houston for one of our local TV stations? For purpose of this brief exercise, I’ll assign Leo and Sarah to Channel 11 – since they always seem to be the station that needs the most help.

At least her words are original!

Here’s a parody clip from their Monday, July 26, 2010 broadcast:

Leo: “Good Morning, Houston! I hate to be protruding into your beauty rest too hard, but it’s Monday morning and all of youse guys and goils need to rise and shine and get ready for work. Me and Sarah here are going to try our best to bring you abreast of things going on around the Bayou City, but we want you to know too that we are working a little short-handed these days due to certain constipations in the budget here at Channel 11. Sarah, do you want to help fill the folks in on what that means?”

Sarah: “I’ll be happy to give it a go, Leo. You betcha, I will. –  Friends and fellow Houstonians, what Leo is trying to say is that we’re going to have to get by with less staff here at Channel 11 until we take in a little more advertising money.- That means, for now, but we’re hoping we can bring them back as soon as we can afford it, there will be no more Dr. Gene Norman doing the weather at night or David Paul or Mario Gomez doing weather during the early morning or midday shows. Also, don’t look for Matt Musil or Butch Alsandor doing the sports anytime soon either. Sad to say, Butch, Matt, and the rest of the crew will be hanging out at the unemployment office until we can talk you folks into giving us the support we need to re-hire them all here at Channel 11.

Leo: “Thank you, Sarah. That was a most dispicaable expectoration of the situation here at Channel 11. Or, as old Doc Norman might say, “The Norman Number for Monday, July 26, 2010 is a big fat 0!”

Sarah: “So, what that means, folks, is that Leo and I are going to take care of everything between the two of us: news, sports, weather, and traffic – Leo and I will have it all covered. And we are willing to do it with no held back preservations over the fact we aren’t getting paid extra-duty-dough for our efforts because that’s “the Spirit of Alaska.” Excuse me, I mean that’s “The Spirit of Texas!”

Leo: “Allow me to prevaricate what Sarah just said. We’re doing this for the people of Houston, people. It ain’t about the money, but it is about the great chasm of sentimentality that we hold out to all of you!”

Sarah: “Leo’s right, fellow citizens! All we care about is that we have one of those rare promiscuous opportunities for misinforming the public about subjugations we normally know nothing about.”

Leo: “Let’s turn to sports, Sarah, and the question that all Houstonians have about Oswalt the Baseball. Rabbit. – I guess that’s what he is; I don’t normally follow baseball, so I’m having to fill in the blanks of my usually corpulent brain. – I’ll just ask, as it says and seems to imply here in the script: Has Oswalt been baited, trapped, or traded since he got swept away by, it says here ‘the red plague’ on Saturday?”

Sarah: “Well, Leo, I checked with Astros General Manager Ed Wade about Roy Oswalt only last night, but Wade would not refudiate the rumor that a trade is already in the works with either the Yankees or the Phillies.

Leo: “Anything going on with the economy, Sarah?”

Sarah: “Leo, the economy is something I know something about. I learned a lot about money from my almost full term as Governor of Alaska.”

Leo: “Well, what did you learn?”

Sarah: “I learned that, for me, at least, there was more money to be made in writing a book and accepting a check for personal appearances than there was in reigning as a public official. In fact, if I hadn’t quit my goober-notorious job (I loved the free peanuts that came with it as a perk from Jimmy Carter. That’s why I called it my goober-notorious job), I would not be able to afford to work here ar Channel 11 today.”

Leo: “Do you think you could teach me the ropes on going that route myself, Sarah? I think I got at least one book and about a hundred speeches in me right now! And I sure as heck can’t afford to keep working at Channel 11 forever!”

Sarah: “I know I can help you as, indeed, I can help all my fellow Americans, Leo! All you need is the redundancy to deal with all the attempts at “change” that are going on out there on the political scene today.”

Leo: “Bring it on, Babe. I’m ready for the condensation.”

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