Pardon Me, Ford!

Nixon Ford Over the years, writing parody has always been one of the main ways I sought rest from a particular research subject for a day or so. The practice rejuvenated me. It felt like the written equivalent to doodling. I followed this pattern all through school too – and also over the heaviest years of my private practice work – when I practically had  no other energy left over at the end of the day for writing anything beyond case record notes. – Even then, I could write parody, if nothing else. Wow! – Talk about “all work and no play making Jack a dull boy!” I had some nadir-level years with writing much beyond my own signature in that regard back then. I may still be duller than dishwater as a writer, but I’m enjoying it a whole lot more these days.

Most of my word doodles I’ve trashed, but the one I bring you today felt like a keeper from the start. It was my favorite – and I’ve needed no hard copy to hold onto it. It long ago took its place in the jukebox (i-pod?) region of my memory bank and won’t go away from my list of favorites.

My favorite little “vacation” work came to me back in 1975, when I wrote Pardon Me, Ford, a parody of how I speculated that the pardoning of President Richard M. Nixon came about. I was so pumped from the experience that I even submitted it to Lorne Michaels at Saturday Night Live for their use as a skit. They didn’t use it, but Michaels, at least, wrote me back. He explained that they only did their own material – and that they didn’t take in unsolicited writing or do other people’s laundry.

That being said, here it is again. I did something like this way back on Chron.Com, but what the heck? I feel the need to do it again this morning.

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Pardon Me, Ford

By Bill McCurdy

The time is 1973. The scene is the Oval Office of the White House. President Richard Nixon is meeting with newly appointed Vice-President Gerald Ford to discuss the potential fallout from Watergate and the probability that he is going to be impeached and possibly face jail time for criminal acts. Ford is sitting. Nixon is pacing the floor. When Nixon finally speaks, he sings what he has to say to the tune of the old Johnny Mercer song, Chattanooga Choo Choo. Use yur imagination and you will see the scene evolving to the point of Nixon and Ford dancing off stage at the end of the act like a couple of smiling, hand-waving vaudevillians.

Pardon me, Ford! – Let’s have a chat and choose your new shoes!

I will resign! – Then everything will be fine!

There’s gonna be – a Watergate Investigation!

It won’t be fair! – ‘Cause Johnny Dean will be there!

They’ll have the votes for my impeachment so I might as well go!

Then you can be the President – and they’ll never know!

If I have conceded! – (Expletive Deleted!)

If I knew – or didn’t know – they just can’t read it!

I’ll never roam – away from my own tax-free – San Clemente home!

And you can wear the new shoes – that go along with the throne!

Pardon me, Ford! – Pardon me, Ford!

All aboard!

Pardon me, Ford!  – Pardon me, Ford!

Get on board!

(both Nixon & Ford now singing and dancing off stage together)

AND WE CAN WEAR THE NEW SHOES … – (trombones: dada da da!)

THAT GO ALONG WTH THE THROOOOOOOOOOOONE!

(drum riff: Bada-Bing! – as Nixon & Ford disappear off-stage left.)

********************

Bill McCurdy

Principal Writer, Editor, Publisher

The Pecan Park Eagle

 

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