So long, mom!
I’m off to crunch the bomb
So don’t wait up for me
But while you swelter
Down there in your shelter
You can see me
On cable TV
While we’re attacking so bunt-free
Please keep your utmost faith in me
We just score runs in gobs, you see
And save those small ball costs
No need for you ~ to watch a second
As the agonizing fouls get lost
Oh Yeah!
Little Johnny Jones
He was a Seattle Pilot
And no shrinking violet
Was he, he was mighty proud
When his big move came around
Did he miss Puget Sound?
No siree!
And this is what he said on
His way to beer-ball-geddon:
So long, mom!
I’m off to crunch the Bomb
In dear old Mil-Wau-Kee
But though I may roam
I’ll come back to my home
Although it may be
A pile of debris
Remember, Mommy
I’m paid to drop the bomby
So save me a salami ~ as you watch those homers fly
I’ll come home to you ~ when the game is over
At this week’s November 2018 meeting of the Larry Dierker SABR Chapter, Maxwell Kates did a fine presentation of his new book on MLB expansion and sharing credit with those who helped. Then he followed that nice accomplishment with a stimulating Q&A session with a panel of two former players from the Colt .45 days (Bob Aspromonte and Larry Dierker), plus, the most significant executive in the club’s long history, former GM and President Tal Smith. Slugger Jimmy Wynn was supposed to be there too, but a little DL time came up and yours truly was asked to sit in for him. ~ Well, I don’t have any trouble filling any chair these days on a literal basis, but my Pecan Park Eagle sandlot background was never any match for what Jimmy Wynn and the other guys named figuratively brought to the presence we needed here. I still, nevertheless. most humbly enjoyed knowing that I even had been asked on a fill-in basis. It was a lot of fun
The subject of Jim Bouton’s “Ball Four” book came up for its reference to the parody song that had been written about the spirit of the old 1969 club. It was called “It Makes a Fellow Proud to be an Astro” ~ and, as Larry Dierker explained, it was actually a parody of an original parody written by the genius talent of those days, a fellow named Tom Lehrer, who also was a math professor at MIT around the same time he was scorching everything sacred in western culture with his acerbic wit and talent for poetic symmetry. ~ What Lehrer did in many other areas ~ and with his original piece in this instance, “It Makes a Fellow Proud to be a Soldier,” left the “Astro version” seem tamer by comparison.
Here’s a link to how the original Lehrer piece sounded ~ in case you need to know the flow of the melody before you read the words to the Astros version ~ which follows thereafter. Can’t really verify who actually wrote the Astro version, but you may want ask Jim Bouton if he’s ever in town and you run into him at an Astros game.
There’s really nothing terrible about the Astro version. In fact, it’s quite creative in its own right. It just happens to contain (presumably) the one four-letter word that turns into four consecutive asterisks (****) faster than any other in the English language, but I don’t really know that because ~ I’ve never seen the Astro version in writing prior until now ~ nor have I ever it heard it explicated in any sung version.
If you are excessively prudish ~ or too young ~ or too old ~ it might be better, if you just didn’t pursue it any further. ~ There are other days and tamer subjects awaiting us all.
The rest of you ~ still living folks ~ filled with a sense of humor and some awareness of the characters referenced in the song ~ please just let go and dive right in. ~ Those close to the action cherished of all among you already understand the difference between a Buddy Hancken cranking ~ and a Big Mama spanking!
Just Let it be 1969 again ~ when the Astrodome was still a baby ~ as were all our hopes for that first Houston Astros World Series Championship. ~ Back then ~ Astros catcher Johnny Edwards might even have been able to break into a parody chorus from one of his name-cousin’s ~ singer Tommy Edwards’ ~ biggest hits:
“Many a beer has to fall ~ but it’s all ~ in the game,
All in that wonderful game ~ that we PLAY ~ with glove!”
OK, as promised ~ first ~ the Tom Lehrer Proud-To-Be-a-Soldier Version Link:
And finally ~ the written Astros version:
It Makes a Fellow Proud to be An Astro
Now, the Astros are a team that likes to go out on the town,
We like to drink and fight and **** till curfew comes around
Then it’s time to make the trek,
We better be back to buddy’s check,
It makes a fellow proud to be an Astro.
Now, Edwards is our catcher and he’s really No. 1,
Dave Bristol said he drinks too much and calls some long home runs,
But we think John will be all right,
If we keep him in his room at night,
It makes a fellow proud to be an Astro.
Now, our pitching staff’s composed of guys who think they’re ‘pretty cool,’
With a case of Scotch, a greenie and an old beat-up whirlpool,
We’ll make the other hitters laugh,
Then calmly break their bats in half,
It makes a fellow proud to be an Astro.
Now, Harry Walker is the one that manages this crew,
He doesn’t like it when we drink and fight and smoke and screw,
But when we win our game each day,
Then what the **** can Harry say?
It makes a fellow proud to be an Astro.
Couldn’t find a Perch or a Minnow in the entire MLB player batch ~ and we also passed on nicknames like “Catfish” and “The Human Crab” to come up with a slightly less potent (on paper) ~ Smells-A-Little-Fishy Lineup!
It is lamentable that the big leagues, so far, have missed out fielding at least one single ballplayer whose surname is “Snapper.” If there ever is a Snapper, especially if his DNA runs back to those port city Vikings that long ago came, conquered, and stayed in Ireland in places by the sea ~ is there any doubt as to what his nickname most likely would be?
Today we’ll just have to find consolation in this negatively aromatic lineup of the mind. Perhaps the rest of you can submit nominations for other roster additions that could make it smell better or even worse.
Here it is in its original lineup form:
The Smells-A-Little-Fishy Lineup
#
Batting Order
Year
Pos
BA
HR
RBI
1
Ralph Garr
1974
LF
.353
11
54
2
Kevin Bass
1986
RF
.311
20
79
3
Mike Trout
2016
CF
.315
29
100
4
Tim Salmon
1995
1B
.330
34
105
5
Mickey Rivers
1977
DH
.326
12
69
6
Geronimo Gil
2002
3B
.232
12
45
7
Eddie Lake
1945
SS
.279
11
51
8
Bert Whaling
1913
C
.242
0
25
9
Sam Fishburn
1919
2B
.333
0
2
Pitchers
Year
Pos
Won
Lost
ERA
P
Dizzy Trout (R)
1944
P
27
14
2.12
P
Eddie Fisher (R)
1965
P
15
7
2.40
Tim Salmon at 1st and Geronimo Gil at 3rd are playing out of position for the sake of filling out the defensive needs of the club, but large outfielders have been known to make the move to 1st OK in many other instances ~ and where else do you put a slightly slower catcher when you want him in the lineup ~ and 1st is already filled? – Third Base! ~ Of course! ~ That’s right.
You know what else is fishy? ~ It’s watching the Astros go through this period in which they look like they belong at the bottom of the American League ocean. ~ Maybe tonight they will break out of it. After all, they are only playing the Rockies ~ and all the Rockies are doing these sweat-heavy days of mid-August Houston heat is running tied with the Dodgers, one game back of Arizona in the NL West. ~ How fired up are they going to be on the heels of knowing that the Mariners just pulled the Astros back into a tighter division race than anyone saw coming prior to the pile up of all our local team player injuries?
Baseball moves in mysterious ways. ~ Have a bite on this little Smells-A-Little-Fishy Lineup. ~ It’s all we’re serving up for a late baseball afternoon “afunch” today at The Pecan Park Eagle Bar & Grill.
Houston, Baseball, & Other Musings.
The Pecan Park Eagle 