The Pecan Park Eagle

Ballad of WWIII was about shorter wars. ~ Ballad of MLB is about shorter baseball games.

The Ballad of World War III (Post-Nuclear 20th Century)

By Tom Lehrer

So long, mom!
I’m off to drop the Bomb
So don’t wait up for me
But while you swelter
Down there in your shelter
You can see me
On your TV

While we’re attacking frontally
Watch Brin-k-ley and Hun-t-ley
Describing contrapuntally
The cities we have lost
No need for you to miss a minute
Of the agonizing holocaust

Yeah!

Little Johnny Jones
He was a US pilot
And no shrinking violet
Was he, he was mighty proud
When World War III was declared
He wasn’t scared
No siree!

And this is what he said on
His way to Armageddon:

So long, mom!
I’m off to drop the Bomb
So don’t wait up for me
But though I may roam
I’ll come back to my home
Although it may be
A pile of debris

Remember, mommy!
I’m off to get a commie
So send me a salami
And try to smile somehow
I’ll look for you
When the war is over
An hour and a half from now

********************

The Ballad of MLB

By Parody Adaptation (Today)

So long, mom!
I’m off to crunch the bomb
So don’t wait up for me
But while you swelter
Down there in your shelter
You can see me
On cable TV

While we’re attacking so bunt-free
Please keep your utmost faith in me
We just score runs in gobs, you see
And save those small ball costs
No need for you ~ to watch a second
As the agonizing fouls get lost

Oh Yeah!

Little Johnny Jones
He was a Seattle Pilot
And no shrinking violet
Was he, he was mighty proud
When his big move came around
Did he miss Puget Sound?
No siree!

And this is what he said on
His way to beer-ball-geddon:

So long, mom!
I’m off to crunch the Bomb
In dear old Mil-Wau-Kee
But though I may roam
I’ll come back to my home
Although it may be
A pile of debris

Remember, Mommy
I’m paid to drop the bomby
So save me a salami ~ as you watch those homers fly
I’ll come home to you ~ when the game is over

A minute and a half from now!

********************

Bill McCurdy

Principal Writer, Editor, Publisher

The Pecan Park Eagle