How Will Astros Spend Their World Series Dough?

Had the Astros again been reassembled to learn together that they were getting $438,902 each for having won the World Series, this scene would have been pretty easy to repeat, even in street clothes.

 

SABR colleague and friend, Tony Cavender, first reported this news to The Pecan Park Eagle on Tuesday, 11/28/2071. Tony’s words on the subject introduce this topic as well as possible:

“In case you wanted to know what your 2017 World Series Champions, Houston Astros players, coaches and staff will receive see the attached article from this afternoon’s Houston Business Journal or see the summary below:

https://mail.google.com/mail/u/0/#inbox/16004b83009aac65?projector=1

“The value of a full postseason share on the World Series champion Houston Astros was worth a record $438,902 this year.

“The previous mark was $388,606 for the 2014 San Francisco Giants. A full share declined to $370,069 for the 2015 Kansas City Royals and $368,872 for the 2016 Chicago Cubs.

“Major League Baseball said Monday the players’ pool was a record $84.5 million, up from $76.6 million last year and $69.9 million in 2015.

“Houston split $30.4 million into 60 full shares, 9.23 partial shares and four cash awards. Last year’s Cubs had 66 full shares, 8.7 partial shares and four cash awards.

“A full share on the Los Angeles Dodgers, who lost the Series in seven games, was worth $259,722. That was down from $261,805 for last year’s Cleveland Indians and $300,758 for the 2015 New York Mets, a record for a World Series loser.”

– Tony Cavender, 11/28/71.

Wow! That’s a major windfall of flying green federal paper! Even some of the best paid people on the planet might choose to float down the Impulse River of No Return, given this possible one-time shot at a record $438,902 mad money run of all World Series mad money runs to date.

We “got to thinking.” What if some Astros recipients found purposeful or symbolic ways to spend the World Series winners’ money more uniquely than the predictable super car purchases that surely are bound to soon unfold? By putting our own imaginations to work on the winds of whimsical possibility, here’s what we came up with as possibilities for a number of our better known people. And again, who knows? Maybe some of these conjurings will not be that far from the truth.

OK, there may be more car buys than we predict here, but maybe they won’t all be the kinds of cars an owner could not dream of leaving anywhere, unless it came accompanied with an armed security force to keep it safe while the owner was having dinner, or whatever, nearby, but out of watchful eye sight.

In the interest of brevity, our guesses are contained in this summary table:

How Some Astros May Spend their World Series Checks for $438,902:

# ASTRO WORLD SERIES WINNERS MONEY PLAN
1 JOSE ALTUVE Buys Finger Nail Clippers / Career Supply.
2 JEFF LUHNOW Orders Crystal Ball as Plan B.
3 MARWIN GONZALEZ Opens Marwin’s Diversified Investments
4 JUSTIN VERLANDER Buys Stuff for Larger Family Home.
5 CARLOS CORREA Down Payment on Larger Family Home.
6 KEN GILES Winter in Meditation Retreat Ashram.
7 GEORGE SPRINGER Down Payment on Trampoline Co.
8 JOSH REDDICK Gets “See Ball, Hit Ball” Tatoo
9 ALEX BREGMAN Starts “Out-at-Home” Security Co.
10 YULI GURRIEL Seed Money / Carrot Top Hair Stylists.
11 A.J. HINCH Opens “Earnestly Yours” Flowers.
12 EVAN GATTIS Buys 5% Interest in “Hungry Man” Dinners.
13 Almost All Others Buy Biggest Bad Ass Cars Out There

 

Note: In spite of the relativity factor that inflates the number of dollars that now get paid for everything, It’s  a little hard to wrap a whole mind around the fact that bench players and unused relievers today are getting so much more than Babe Ruth, Christy Mathewson, or, hey, even Don Larsen got in 1956 for throwing a perfect game in the World Series.

Guess I’ll just cloak my tired brain in some good new millineal wisdom and move on.

“It is what it is.”

 

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