Politically Correct MLB Nicknames to the Extreme

In this photo of Cleveland Indians Manager Terry Francona, can you spot the two things it contains that are potentially bad for baseball and those who play the game?

In this photo of Cleveland Indians Manager Terry Francona, can you spot the two things it contains that are potentially bad for baseball and those who play the game?

Tom Hunter called our attention this morning to a nice article in Chron.com from yesterday by Craig Hlavaty entitled, “When the Colt .45s became the Astros and the origins of other Houston sports team names”. It’s worth a quick look, so here’s the link:

http://www.chron.com/sports/article/When-the-Colt-45s-became-the-Astros-and-the-10647526.php

The article reminded me of the fun my late father and I used to have playing the “PC Game” with current big league club names. Always working together, and this probably happened about once every five years over the last twenty years of his life, we would strive to come up with new reasons why each MLB team probably has a mascot name that is offensive to someone out here and to then state our suggestions for more acceptable alternative mascot identities. The fun thing was – I can’t remember a single other time I came up with the same list of new alernatives. And, well, guess what happened when I did the exercise on my own this morning? That part of the result panned almost totally true, one more time. Other than the always repeating attraction I seem to have for resurrecting the “Phoenix Firebirds”, I really don’t remember coming up with any of these other suggested changes previously – with or without Dad’s help. They all seem driven by more current events – and Dad died back in 1994.

Maybe you will have some suggestions of your own to offer and record in the comment section below. Just ask yourself: Who might be offended by any current MLB team nickname now in use? – And what is a more PC friendly answer as an alternative in however many cases you take on.

Here are our Pecan Park Eagle newest (as of this morning) suggestions:

New Politically Correct Suggested Nicknames for Each of  the 30 MLB Teams

No. TEAM PC OBJECTION NEW NAME
01 Arizona Diamondbacks Too long Phoenix Firebirds
02 Atlanta Braves Native Americans Georgia Peaches
03 Baltimore Orioles Naturalists Baltimore Hops
04 Boston Red Sox Color Blind Boston Gray Sox
05 Chi Cubs long wait curse Chicago W’s
06 Chi White Sox Cultural Diversity Chicago 50 Shades of Gray Sox
07 Cin Reds Color Blindness Cin B&Ws
08 Cleveland Indians Native Americans Cleveland Spiders
09 Colorado Rockies Spirit of Denver Denver Highs
10 Detroit Tigers ASPCA Detroit Wheels
11 Houston Astros Flat Earth Society Houston Babies
12 KC Royals Commoners Kansas City Cockneys
13 LA Angels Atheists LA Kharmics
14 LA Dodgers Jaywalkers LA Goodies
15 Miami Marlins Naturalists Miami Moods
16 Milwaukee Brewers Anti-Alcohol Milwaukee Milkmen
17 Minnesota Twins Planned Parenthood Minnesota Pregnots
18 NY Mets Anti-Urban Bias NY Hayseeds
19 NY Yankees Anti-Yankees. NY Anons
20 Oakland Athletics Political Taunt Oakland Zombies
21 Phil. Phillies Anti-Horse Racing Fhil. Follies
22 Pittsburgh Pirates Law Enforcement Pittsburgh Parolees
23 SD Padres Atheists SD Salesmen
24 SF Giants Little People SF Norms
25 Seattle Mariners Old Pilot Fans Seattle Pilots
26 SL Cardinals Naturalists SL Arches
27 Tampa B Rays Naturalists Tampa B Smokers
28 Texas Rangers City of Arlington Arlington Rangers
29 Tor. Blue Jays Naturalists Tor. Flying Things
30 Washington Nationals MLB Purists Washington Americans; move them or Brewers to AL in exchange for Houston.

____________________

eagle-0range
 Bill McCurdy

Publisher, Editor, Writer

The Pecan Park Eagle

Houston, Texas

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5 Responses to “Politically Correct MLB Nicknames to the Extreme”

  1. Tom Hunter Says:

    The Annenberg Public Policy poll taken in 2004 and the Washington Post poll taken earlier this year showed that 90% of Native Americans have no objection to the Washington Redskins name as well as other names regarding American Indians. But the names do offend some “politically correct” white people.

    In the book “The Devil’s Pleasure Palace: The Cult of Critical Theory and the Subversion of the West,” by Michael Walsh, the author wrote the following:

    The term “political correctness” seems to have originated with Trotsky to describe the early Bolsheviks who were forced to adapt to constantly changing “correct” modes of Soviet political thought, and it was later picked up by Mao and others.

    I’m afraid that my high school alma mater, the Pearland Oilers, will someday be attacked for their mascot. Evil oil and all that . . . .

    The New York Yankees original mascot was the Highlanders, but returning to that name could of course offend the Lowlanders.

    The comedian, Adam Carolla, suggested that Notre Dame’s mascot be changed to The Fighting Drunken Irish. Speaking as someone whose family came to colonies from Ireland in the late 1700s, I’ll drink to that.

    • Bill McCurdy Says:

      Happy Birthday, Tom! Enjoy the 70’s too – one day at a time1 😉

      BTW, no one on my list has received notice of this column until right now. Although I wrote and posted the piece this morning, I haven’t had time to send out the notices today until now.

  2. Rick B. Says:

    Some of your new choices are still going to upset some PC patrol officers:

    1) Georgia Peaches? What will Nectarine growers say? Alas, I have no alternative – the old minor league Crackers come to mind, but I doubt that name would fly today. Maybe the Travelers since the franchise has moved from cities and stadiums a few times each.

    2) Baltimore Hops? You’re just asking for modem temperance societies to arise, aren’t you? How about Crab cakes (if the N.O. Zephyr can become the Baby Cakes, why not?)

    3) Chicago Cubs = Chicago Lollygaggers. When you take 108 between WS victories, this name is more accurate.

    4) The Cleveland Indians could give a nod to Native Americans and become the alliterative Cleveland Cuyahogas. Their logo could be a river that’s on fire, which would certainly strike fear into opponents’ hearts.

    5) Go all out with Denver and make them the Mile Highs (they could have a large suite by that name at their stadium – all sorts of debauchery would take place there).

    Hayseeds? An anti-redneck bias. Parolees? Give an ex-con a chance. Babies? Talk about becoming a laughing stock . Might as well put the less-genteel word for mammary gland in front of the Babies.

    I guess it truly is difficult to choose a name that satisfies evrryone.

    • Tom Hunter Says:

      If the name Travelers were adopted, it would be necessary to avoid spelling it with two “Ls,” since Traveller was the name of Robert E. Lee’s horse. That wouldn’t fly with the PC Busybodies.

      As a resident of Denver, I can tell you that “Mile High” has taken on a whole different meaning with the legalization of marijuana.

      “Of all tyrannies, a tyranny exercised for the good of its victims may be the most oppressive. It would be better to live under robber barons than under omnipotent moral busybodies. The robber baron’s cruelty may sometimes sleep, his cupidity may at some point be satiated; but those that torment us for our own good, will torment us without end, for they do so with the approval of their own conscience . . . .” –C.S. Lewis

      • Rick B. Says:

        I was thinking that Denver could have the Mile High Club at its stadium – that would allow for numerous possibilities.

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