Rabbit Maranville for President
~ If they ever make a movie on the life of Rabbit Maranville, we hope they cast actor John Malkovich to play the Rabbit.
Actor John Malkovich
It is Election Day evening, November 8, 2016. This seems like as a good a day as any to explore how our American National Election System and the Commissioner of Baseball’s Office could get together and accidentally, unconsciously, or stupidly find new ways to make things worse for the current health of the game that many of us still revere as Our National Pastime. Let’s explore some of the possibilities laying on the floor in front of us – as to how.
- If the Electoral College System could be installed as the way Baseball also elects people to the Hall of Fame, it may be possible for all the most obviously assisted steroid using players to escape the shadows of suspicion that have hovered over them for most of the 21st century through 2016 to be elected finally to the HOF without having a majority vote support from the BBWAA people who now only cast ballots once, every four years.
- The new HOF Political Selection Culture would wholeheartedly endorse marketing plans that include televised debates between candidates and marketing attack ads paid for by groups that opposed the induction of a candidate for Cooperstown.
- Example Attack Ad Opposing the Induction of Mark McGwire: “Mark McGwire …. They say in St. Louis that he hit all those powerful long balls back in the day because of the strength he got from Big Mac hamburgers. …. Many of us ordinary folks like to eat Big Macs too. …. Makes you wonder. …. What did they put in McGwire’s Big Macs …. that they sure as hell didn’t put in ours?” …. (a psychedelic picture of McGwire swinging and going long is shown – as the shower sound theme from the movie “Psycho” plays to fade out.)
- Example Attack Ad Opposing the Induction of Alex Rodriguez: “A Rod …. They say he was the last man on the field from the clubhouse prior to every Yankee game because he couldn’t close his locker door …. Some say it was because of the little power poppers he needed to take in privacy before he played. …. Others say it was because he had trouble breaking eye contact with the mirror that hung inside his locker door. …. And they may be right. ….. After all …. It’s hard to break up a lover’s embrace … especially … when the person you love …. is yourself! …. Do we really need another narcissist in the HOF?” …. (a tiny music box is shown … with two tiny figures of Alex Rodriguez dancing a waltz with each other. …. the little bell music from the box is playing the melody of the song, “Strangers in Paradise”.)
- Example Attack Ad Opposing the Induction of Shoeless Joe Jackson: “Shoeless Joe Jackson …. a great baseball talent …. but a simple country boy who could neither read nor write. …. His actions on the field in the 1919 World Series speak for themselves. …. Joe hit .375 in the Series …. but he did know that some of his teammates were planning to fix the games for pay and he never told anybody. …. Joe never said “Count me in” …. but he did keep the big money he found laying on his hotel bed the night before the 1919 games started …. Looks like Joe wasn’t so stupid after all. …. He couldn’t read or write ….. But he sure knew how to count. … Leave Shoeless Joe Jackson out of the HOF. …. He’s been dead for years anyway …. and he will never know the difference.” …. (a short grainy film clip shows a smiling Joe Jackson in later life behind the counter of his South Carolina liquor store. He is handing over a bottle of bourbon to an already over-served farmer in overalls as the music in the background is supplied by John Lennon singing “Let It Be”.)
We could go forever, but will end here to watch the elections returns.
Speaking of the HOF, don’t forget that this Friday is the birthday of Hall of Famer Rabbit Maranville. On November 11, 2016, the rabbit-man would have turned age 125, had he not died at age 62 back on January 5, 1954.
Speaking of Rabbit Maranville’s birthday, SABR’s own unofficial national chaplain, Father Gerald Beirne, turns 80 on the birthday he shares with Rabbit Maranville this week. It would be great if those of you who know him could drop this good man and elbows-deep baseball fan a birthday wish anytime between now and Friday. “Father Gerry’s” e-mail address is as follows: FrBeirne@aol.com
Publisher, Editor, Writer
The Pecan Park Eagle
Houston, Texas
The Pecan Park Eagle 
November 9, 2016 at 8:04 pm |
Bill, since you mentioned the election, I have decided to address it as well for the first and only time here. In 1992, the historian Arthur Schlesinger, Jr. wrote a book titled “The Disuniting of America,” in which he predicted that our society was headed toward “the fragmentation, resegregation, and tribalization of American life.”
The 2016 presidential election campaign and its outcome have turned Schlesinger into a true prophet (that is, one whose prophecies actually come to pass).
I harbor no hope that our country will become unified again.
November 9, 2016 at 9:11 pm |
Rick, I understand your pessimism and the documentable ground from which it arises, but I reserve the right to still hope that we will find a way to come together as a people and render your fatal concerns wrong.
Even when we can post-date them to the words of no one less than historian Arthur Schlesinger, Jr., the source and the antiquity of this observation not does spare us the consequences of polarity as expressed in these even more immortal words:
“United we stand. Divided we fall.”
November 10, 2016 at 3:18 am |
Rick, as fervently as I hope you (and Mr. Schlesinger) are wrong I fear his theme is coming to fruition. Heavan help us all.