Our Presidential Baseball Nine

First in Peace. First in War Usually last in the American League.

First in Peace. First in War.
Usually last in the American League.

The Pecan Park Eagle Presents: Our Presidential Starting Lineup by Position

Pitcher – George W. Bush. – He played a little ball at Yale; did not a nice job on that first pitch strike at Yankees Stadium following “911”; and he had experience pitching ideas and slogans as POTUS, especially when they were “signed” to him by his advisors. Will four words ever be more costly to America than “weapons of mass destruction”. Maybe “Make America Great Again” or “Trust the Presidency to Hillary”, but either is neither to far away from our best choice. Our best choices are too smart to run for POTUS in this Brutal New World of the 21st Century. Again, our own SABR Member/Professor  Rick Bush (no relation to THE Bush family that we know of) has said it best: To paraphrase him again here: The problem with voting for POTUS in 2016 is not, as we often say, the problem of having to pick the lesser of two evils. The problem is that we now must face the fact that we are now living, as voters, with the evil of having to choose between two lessers as our only two realistically available and politically electable candidates. – Putting that not so easy conundrum aside for the moment, George the Younger is our pitcher.

Catcher – Teddy Roosevelt. – Teddy had the energy and the “take charge” personality for it. He also knew how to charge up a hill if a troubled pitcher needed his company. His “speak softly and carry a big stick” persona also brings us to the expectation that he will be starting a good-hitting catcher. That isn’t a bad disease of the mind to have, unless, like the Astros, you’ve been looking for a good-hitting catcher for years like the gold prospector who never quite finds it.

1st Base – George H.W. Bush. –  Easiest position assignment. George the Elder was the real deal. He played 1st base at Yale.

2nd Base – George Washington. – Always placed his own needs “second” to those of his country. He ended up being “first in peace, first in war”, and, this time around, he probably hits first in the batting order of this presidential starting lineup. Where else are you going to put the guy on the one dollar bill? Washington would probably even rate 1st base too, were it not for the guy who actually played that position at a high level in real life.

3rd Base – Gerald Ford. – Ford was the only POTUS who went into the White House first as an appointed Vice-POTUS. Then came Watergate and – if Ford were around today, he would have to admit that this song, “Pardon Me, Ford”, a parody that we wrote 41 years ago (1975) about how he got to be the POTUS without ever being elected, actually took place in the way these lyrics describe. Simply visualize Nixon addressing Ford in the oval office and the two of them dancing around as the story line builds.

“Pardon me, Ford. Let’s have a chat and choose your new shoes.”

__________

Pardon Me, Ford by Bill McCurdy (1975)

(If you wish to sing the lyrics to yourself, simply use the tune from “Chattanooga Choo Choo”):

Pardon me, Ford! – Let’s have a chat and choose your new shoes!

I will resign! – Then everything will be fine!

 There’s gonna be – a Watergate Investigation!

It won’t be fair! – ‘Cause Johnny Dean will be there!

 

They’ll have the votes for my impeachment so I might as well go!

Then you can be the President – and they’ll never know!

 If I have conceded! – (Expletive Deleted!)

If I knew – or didn’t know – they just can’t read it!

 

I’ll never roam – away from my own tax-free – San Clemente home!

And you can wear the new shoes – that go along with the throne!

 Pardon me, Ford! – Pardon me, Ford!All aboard!

Pardon me, Ford!  – Pardon me, Ford!Get on board!

(both Nixon & Ford are now singing and dancing off the stage together)

 AND WE CAN WEAR THE NEW SHOES … – (trombones: dada da da!)

THAT GO ALONG WTH THE THROOOOOOOOOOOONE!

 (drum riff: Bada-Bing! – as Nixon & Ford disappear off-stage left.)

 __________

Shortstop – Herbert Hoover. – Herbert gets the job simply for having a name that sounds like he will be the kind of guy who sweeps up hard-to-play ground balls like a vacuum cleaner.

Left Field – Abe Lincoln. Most southerners, and some others, thought that Lincoln was already in left field when he was elected POTUS because of his support for the abolition of slavery. They celebrated their opposition to Lincoln by starting a Civil War, but Lincoln persisted in left field, freeing the slaves by the Emancipation Proclamation, and persevering through a costly Union victory that still proved less expensive than living with one region’s economic dependence upon owning the lives and labor of other human beings. Had Lincoln not been a great left fielder, America probably wouldn’t even be around to have a real ballpark today. And if it did, it wouldn’t be very pretty or say much for the soul of whatever we now called the country that was, or included ours, as if we were still the slave State of Texas. – Thank you for being a great left fielder in politics, Mr. Lincoln. Now it’s time to show your left field baseball talents too. Go find yourself a rail and axe it into a bat full of hits.

Center Field – Dwight Eisenhower. – Like the  elder Bush, Ike also qualifies by experience as a center fielder in high school.  He also, perhaps, was the last strong centralist politician to hold office as POTUS. Back in the 1950s, the time of Ike, politicians routinely sought and found common ground on legislation for the common good of the country. Too bad we seem to have totally lost that capacity to the present state of uncompromising polarization within – and between – political parties. It’s kind of hard to see how America can ever be “made great again” by any President or Congress with no middle ground to walk.

Right Field – Richard Nixon. – Had to put him somewhere – and maybe even make him a “playing manager”. Richard Nixon knew more about baseball than all of the other members of this very special club put together. Politically, he leaned heavily to the right – so right field is a great place to stick him. Even if many feel that he should be stuck in several other biological spots. We would include an audio tape of a game in which Nixon won the day for Whittier in college by a six-run Nixon-led rally in the 9th inning when Dick hit a grand slam in the top of the 9th and then took the mound in the bottom of the 9th to end the contest as an 8-7 win over mighty USC on their campus with three punch outs as a pitcher. We do have the first eight innings on tape, and also the post-game wrap by Nixon himself, but an 18-minute gap near the end has eliminated all direct coverage of the miracle 9th. Our tape ends with Whittier trailing USC by 7-2 after 8 innings. – Imagine that – because we cannot prove what happens next.  I guess we’ll just have to take Richard Nixon’s post-game summary words for the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.

Hail to the Chiefs! ~ That’s our club! ~ The Presidential Chiefs! ~ And yes – we have no DH here! ~ And we have no bananas – today!

____________________

eagle-0range
Bill McCurdy

Publisher, Editor, Writer

The Pecan Park Eagle

Houston, Texas

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5 Responses to “Our Presidential Baseball Nine”

  1. stanfromtacoma Says:

    Here are some actual baseball “presidents”

    C Gary Carter
    P Zack Monroe
    1B. Reggie Jefferson
    2B. Homer Bush
    SS. U.L. Washington
    3B. John Kennedy
    LF. Lou Clinton
    CF. Willie Wilson
    RF. Dan Ford
    MGR. Darrell Johnson

  2. Bill McCurdy Says:

    Great job, Stan!

    Let’s beef it up with a couple of suggested changes:

    C Gary Carter
    P Whitey Ford *
    1B. Reggie Jefferson
    2B. Homer Bush
    SS. U.L. Washington
    3B. John Kennedy
    LF. Lou Clinton
    CF. Willie Wilson
    RF. Reggie Jackson *
    MGR. Darrell Johnson

    * one of two suggested upgrades.

  3. stanfromtacoma Says:

    Ok. We can relegate Zack Monroe to the bullpen and Dan Ford to the bench. Mike Lincoln can be in the bullpen too. Scoti Madison and Bobby Adams can be on the bench too. The Astros had a first baseman with the last name of Harrison. Chuck Harrison I think. He can platoon with Jeffeson. Lots of Wilsons and Johnsons can be on the bench.

  4. Ira Liebman Says:

    Should Lincoln play first for his height or George Washington because he was the 1st President. Thomas Jefferson could play the hot corner being the third president.

    • Bill McCurdy Says:

      Like the Skeeters, Ira, any lineup is possible with the Presidential Nine. It just depends on who is available on a given night that influences what position they may each play. I like your suggestions a lot too – especially the one about about putting the 6’4″ Lincoln on 1st base.

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