MLB (Mousy League Baseball) Presents….

 

The following is a presentation of Mousy League Baseball: The Game of the Future

The following is a presentation of
MLB (Mousy League Baseball):
The Game of the Very Near Future

 

1) Every team will be required to have "Designated Hater" on the bench. His job will be to relentlessly taunt the other team throughout the game as Leo Durocher once did in days gone by. All "DH" players will be required to look something like Evan Gattis - just to scare the crap out of the other guys.

1) Every team will be required to have a “Designated Hater” on the bench. His job will be to relentlessly taunt the other team throughout the game as Leo Durocher once did in days gone by. All “DH” players will be required to look something like Evan Gattis – just to scare the crap out of the other guys.

 

2) The regular DH hitters will be retained, but they too will be required to look something like Evan Gattis, but they absolutely must swing like too. It helps with the AC bill at enclosed venues.

2) The regular DH hitters will be retained, but they too will be required to look something like Evan Gattis. In this case, they absolutely must swing the bat like Evan Gattis too. It helps with the AC bill at enclosed venues.

In the event that a batter has a rare plate trip that fails to result in the usual K/HR result,, the new "DR" (Designated Runners) will take the base of each man who actually reaches safely. Rumor has it that certain Arizona runner prospects may have future HOF potential.

3) In the event that a batter has a rare plate trip that fails to result in the usual K/HR result, the new “DR” (Designated Runners) will take the base of each man who actually reaches safely. Rumor has it that certain Arizona runner prospects may have future HOF potential.

 

4) The Acme Bat Company has now signed a 30-year contract as the exclusive provider of all MLB bats. Complaints will be handled with our usual enthusiasm for grief from players and fans by Mr.Wile E. Coyote.

4) The Acme Bat Company has now signed a 30-year contract as the exclusive provider of all MLB bats. Complaints will be handled with our usual enthusiasm for grief from players and fans by Mr.Wile E. Coyote of our MLB staff.

 

6) Former carrot-patch pitcher and current sports medicine chief of MLB will be in charge of baseball's new controlled administration of testosterone and other HGH products to all players. All will be required to too Dr. Bugs on a routine basis and answer his singularly relentless question, asked only in the name of science: "Deeee-yup! - What's Up, Doc?"

5) Former carrot-patch pitcher and current sports medicine chief of MLB, Bugs Bunny, will be in charge of baseball’s new controlled administration of testosterone and other HGH products to all players. All players will be required to be examined by Dr. Bugs on a routine basis and answer his singularly relentless question, asked only in the name of science: “Deeee-yup! – What’s Up, Doc?”

 

6) On a related note, MLB has hired Woody Woodpecker as baseball's official

6) On a related note, MLB has hired Woody Woodpecker as baseball’s official advisor to all MLB pitchers on the best ways to saw off a bat in the hitter’s hands before he does any harm.

 

5) In MLB's service to the idea that sameness is not boring, we have constructed a one-of-a-kind bionic batter, based upon the dual qualities pf power and posture found in both Jeff Bagwell and Popeye the Sailor. He will be reproduced and awarded annually to the league champion of whichever league wins the All Star Game as a further incentive for winning the mid-summer classic. Stay tuned for further group think convolutions. and delusional decisions.

7)  In MLB’s service to the idea that sameness is not boring, we have constructed a one-of-a-kind bionic batter, based upon the dual qualities of power and posture found in both Jeff Bagwell and Popeye the Sailor. He will be reproduced and awarded annually to the league champion of whichever league wins the All Star Game as a further incentive for winning the mid-summer classic. Stay tuned for further group think convolutions. and delusional decisions.

 

8) The MLB Group Think Council has formally dismissed the application of Goofy Dogg as a candidate for the next Commissioner of Baseball. Saying 'we've already had one guy who made goofy decisions and can't take the chance with someone who has that word built into his legal name. Besides, we are confident that we are capable of doing that same job as a group without assigning goofiness to any us as singular members the headless body that we are hopeful of becoming."

8) The MLB Group Think Council has formally dismissed the application of Goofy Dogg as a candidate for the job as next Commissioner of Baseball, saying, “we’ve already had one guy who made goofy decisions.” Sammy Same of the Council added that “we can’t take the chance with someone who has that word built into his legal name. Besides, we are confident that we are capable of doing that same job as a group – without assigning the task of goofiness to any of us as singular members of the headless body that we are hopeful of soon becoming in many more obvious ways.”

 

____________________

eagle-0range
Bill McCurdy

Publisher, Editor, Writer

The Pecan Park Eagle

Houston, Texas

https://bill37mccurdy.com/

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