Recipe for a Baseball Dream Cake

altuve-rose

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1st 700 GAMES   BA   HITS   HR   SB
PETE ROSE   .296   835   43   29
ROBERTO ALOMAR   .290   794   37   167
JOSE ALTUVE   .306   870   45   182

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Recipe for a Baseball Dream Cake

1) Place your dream in a large bowl, keeping in mind, that if your dream comes true, you won’t find a bowl in the kitchen that will be big enough to hold it.

2) Sprinkle the contents with liberal pinches of hope, expectation, and egotistical certainty that time is really the only chef needed in this exercise, and that the charade of your participation is only important to your personal goal of achieving recognition as a baseball culture pundit.

3) Add some personal words of quotable proof that the expected outcome in this exercise is your eloquently personal prediction. As you do so, throw in the idea that these words shall serve as the yeast that shall make the cake rise to its deliciously forecasted full size and glory.

4) Shake, do not stir, the ingredients – and then place the bowl and its contents in the microwave time machine.

5) Set the timer for the amount of time you project it will take for the dream to be affirmed as true.

NOTE: If the dream has to do with a player career achievement, an ETA (Estimated Time of Actuality) of 15-20 years is suggested. Remember too, the closer your ETA is to the actual outcome date, the more credit you will receive for your Delphic powers.

6) If you pull your cake from the machine to find your predictions fulfilled, celebrate, of course, but be prepared for the reality too that by using the machine, no matter what results it shows, that you also have actually aged the same time it took to travel into the future and find your answer. As soon as the cake is removed from the “time waver”, it ages everything within the immediate structure in which it rests to the same degree. In other words, if you use the “waver” in 2016 on a twenty year ETA setting, it will still be 2016 for everyone else in your neighborhood and city of residence when you are are done, but you, everyone and everything else in your house, and the house itself, will have physically aged 20 years to 2036.

Small Consolation: If you didn’t get the dream cake you wanted, there is one bowl, at least,  in the house that will get rid of the failed cake rise for you, and that’s the toilet bowl in any bathroom in your house. The flush handle should still work, even if it has been twenty years.

Dream on. But stay away from the “time waver”. Life’s tough enough.

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Now I can begin my “as advertised” brief column break. After I wrote that piece, I received the Altuve, Alomar, and Rose box at the top of the page from Mark Wernick. Then the muses hit me. And I could not resist their call. I will try again. Let’s see how far I get this time.

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eagle-0range
Bill McCurdy

Publisher, Editor, Writer

The Pecan Park Eagle

Houston, Texas

https://bill37mccurdy.com/

 

 

 

 

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