Headlines & Stories & Stuff

headlines

Most of us in Houston didn’t find anything funny about the way the Yankees handed the Astros the seat of their uniform pants by 16-6 in the second game of the season, but one would have to be a humorless idiot not appreciate the way the headlines-maker handled the New York rally from their opening day defeat. In spite of the assumption that’s been done a thousand times since Star Wars came out back in 1977, it still plays well to one’s ear for irony.

“EMPIRE STRIKES BACK” wrote the Houston Chronicle above their 4/07/16 coverage of the Yankee Astros-demolition in Game 2 yesterday. Now what will they write tomorrow, after the Yankees rallied for a 9-6 game three win and a 2-1 series victory over our ‘Stros?

How about “FORCE FAILS AGAIN” – That line would keep us in the same theme park.

No other exact headline examples come to mind in this moment, but when you grew up in the visual and auditory field of cliches, you never know when an actual headline may peel itself free from the conditioned memory pile and drop itself at your feet as a gentle reminder that you didn’t simply dream or make this stuff up.

The cliche’ pile

Growing up with the Houston Buffs in the 1940s and 50s, we got a lot of “Herd Stampedes Tulsa, etc.” headlines from all three of our major news dailies, the Chronicle, Post, and Press. – That’s right. – When Houston was a minor league town, we had three major papers. Now that we are a major league city, we only have one minor league daily. But, in fairness, let’s give the Internet some of the credit or blame for this one. Nobody really gets their news from newspapers anymore – and less and less so either from local commercial TV stations. Even the 24/7 news networks cannot act as fast as the Internet – and all the social media streams that instantly spread their non-vetted versions of distorted and blatantly false facts and conclusions to our growing world of Gullible’s Travels.

Headlines don’t have to be true anymore. They just have to fit the theme of the event, or, in the case of baseball, the theme of the club’s mascot.

Let’s say Cleveland out scores the AL New York club, 15-1. That easily becomes INDIANS MASSACRE YANKEES.  Of course, we all know that. Just as we know these others so well. Given  different game situations and teams, the accomplishment verbage shifts dramatically, but, nevertheless,  it’s still the same old story, a fight for love and glory, a case of truth or liar. ~  The fundamental stench floats higher ~ as time goes by. . …

blow out wins

GIANTS STOMP or TRAMPLE ….

TIGERS MAUL OR DEVOUR ….

CARDINALS FLY BY …..

MARINERS MARINATE …..

D-BACKS RATTLE …..

RAYS BURN …..

BRAVES/INDIANS … MASSACRE, SCALP, TOMAHAWK, CHOP (Braves do more chopping)

ROCKIES AVALANCHE …..

PIRATES PLUNDER ….

WHITE SOX SCANDALIZE ATHLETICS

ASTROS ACHIEVE NEW HIGH …..

come back wins

DODGERS DODGE DEFEAT …..

REDS/ROYALS RALLY …. (Yeah. That’s right too. Alliteration finds its way into the headline game also.)

PADRES PRAYERS ANSWERED …..

MARLINS SPEAR ONE IN 9th …..

ANGELS EARN WINGS LATE …..

RED SOX STITCH LATE SCORE HOLE …..

PHILLIES BY NOSE AT WIRE …..

CUBS TRADE HIBERNATION FOR ONE-CLAW WIN …..

TWINS DOUBLE PLEASURE WITH DOUBLE RALLY …..

___________

The above are but a few of the cliche headline piles that occur in the moment, but we would love to hear some of your favorites – or memories of actual MLB headlines.

Personally I’ve been waiting a very long time for the Yankees to sign a closer named “Custer” – and for him to come in and blow the pennant to Cleveland on the last day of the season – or the World Series to Atlanta – any year. – Can you easily grasp the cliche’ headline that either of those outcomes would inherit from some news source in some similarly expressed form?

____________________

eagle-0rangeBill McCurdy

Publisher, Editor, Writer

The Pecan Park Eagle

Houston, Texas

https://bill37mccurdy.com/

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2 Responses to “Headlines & Stories & Stuff”

  1. Bob Copus Says:

    how about “The Twins Double-Up The…..”

  2. Tom Hunter Says:

    When the major league baseball team here in Colorado hits some tough sledding, I’m always reminded of the old Gershwin tune:

    In time the Rockies may crumble
    Gibraltar may tumble
    They’re only made of clay
    But our love is here to stay

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