Zippity Doo Dah! World Still Rolls!

NEWS UPDATE FROM THE ANCHOR DESK OF THE REALITY TV NETWORK …

This just in …

Yesterday, Saturday, May 21, 2011, the world reached 6:00 PM at all of its possible time zone points and in no instance along the way did the earth or any of its time-measured sectors come to an end or simply disappear. Rev. Harold Camping, the Christian evangelical broadcaster who predicted, wrongly for the second time, that the world would, indeed, end yesterday, so far, has failed to comment on this second coming of a major non-event.

Dr. Stephen Hawking, the world’s arguably greatest physicist issued his own response in the wake of an inundating request for comment on this sideshow non-matter of blur to the world’s real and far more serious issues: “It’s a simple matter of geometry,” Hawking stated. “Relatively round objects in space, like the earth, rarely, if ever, roll their way to an end. They either continue on an imperceptibly changing orbit around their particular star of attraction until they break off into free flight to what many call doomsday – or else, they remain in orbit until they wear down in mass weight enough to be sucked into their sun and incinerated. By the laws of science, nothing like that could have happened here yesterday.”

And what does this non-end of the world mean for all of us? Simply put, it’s back to business as usual: warring against the violent weight of the world’s mad men, both of domestic resource and international import; battling to raise and educate our children in a world that becomes more of a spiritual and financial challenge by the day; trying to stay healthy on a planet mutating under the weight of debate over the reality and effects of global warming; hoping to find passion in our spiritual, creative, inventive, and recreational pursuits; and making our peace individually with the inevitability of our personal mortality.

In the meanwhile, we all have something like the World Series or the Super Bowl or the National Spelling Bee to look forward to each morning that we awaken as qualifiers for the sunny side, and not the root side, of the grass. Perhaps our next major distraction will also be the next guy who comes along to tell us that “the world shall end tomorrow.” The year 2012 lays ahead of us – and many of the doomsday dealers are saving their pitches of distraction for the gloomy skies of next year. So, don’t be surprised by what you shall continue to hear as 2011 draws closer to an end.

That’s it for this news update. Now we take you back to the Reality TV Network’s program in progress, “Dancing with the Narcissists and Biggest Losers.” – Have a nice Sunday, everyone!

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