The Astros picked Doomsday Eve to halt their 5-game losing streak.
Damnation! The world is supposed to end today!
Curtain time is 6:00 PM, but I’m not sure if that’s standard or daylight savings, Eastern or Central! All I know is that it doesn’t take me long to come up with my Top Ten Reasons that I shall personally regret that none of us will be around to see Sunday, May 22, 2011.
And here they are:
(10) My Houston Astros are going to finish last in the National League Central in this eternally abbreviated 2011 season.
(9) 2011 will go into the books as only the third time in history that the World Series has been cancelled for cause. The other two years were 1904 and 1994. The difference is: The first two cancellations came as a result of human will. This one is apparently landing upon us by the WIll of God.
(8) We just got our thirty-year home mortgage paid off last year. What was the point?
(7) I’ve been working out to get in better shape. I’m not in shape for the end of the world. For that matter, I’m not in shape for the continuation of the world, either.
(6) I think I’ve led a pretty good, decent, and productive life. I haven’t come close to perfection, but I have always tried to consider others and not do hurtful things. Still, it’s Judgment Day too – the day when God sends some of us to Heaven and others of us to Hell. Not that it matters, but I don’t think that most old people should be sent to Hell. Growing old is Hell enough.
(5) Judgment Day shapes us as the most brain-numbing day in history. Can you imagine what it’s going to be like as we all sit around and listen to everyone else go on trial before God for their past sins? How many stories of greed, obsession, and infidelity do you think its going to take before we are all bored out of our gourds from their soap opera sameness? Our human egos always want us to believe that we are all so unique. Judgment Day shall reveal that we are not. I’m not ready for that little gauntlet of purgatory today. Never will be because none of us shall ever truly be ready for anything like Judgment Day. Those who claim they are must be speaking from prideful humility.
(4) I had hoped to get back to Cooperstown and the Baseball Hall of Fame one more time before I die. It’s going to be kind of hard to get there before sundown today.
(3) I’m very attached to the life I now enjoy with my family and friends. I’m not ready to give that up by 6:00 PM today, even though I’ve sort of made my peace with the fact that I have no guarantees about any of the days I hope to think lay ahead. Age and health issues take you to those levels of reckoning, Today will be the end of the world for millions of us. It’s simply too early into Saturday’s light to know for whom those bells shall toll.
(2) I like the feeling of human love – love for each other – and love for our various causes of expression and passion. I can’t imagine an existence or a state of being that did not include literature, art, sports, and invention. Those are the stuff that dreams are made of – and I do not want to see the pursuit of dreams disappear today, if we can avoid it.
(1) God, please don’t end the world today. We’re still looking for another bite of the real Valian’s Pizza down here in Houston. Raia’s makes a decent tribute pizza to the great one, but it’s still a case of “close, but no cigar.”
By the way, God, will there be a food and drink concession service at the Judgment Day hearings? And will they serve Valian’s Pizza? If so, I might be willing to feel better about this being the last day in the history of the world.
See you tomorrow, everybody! – Or not.
Tags: end of the world, humor
The Pecan Park Eagle 
May 21, 2011 at 1:29 pm |
When I think Saturday 6PM, being stranded as a kid at home in a rural area, only a handful of TV stations to select from, the world seemingly passing me by……………………….there was always Hee-Haw or Lawrence Welk.
I give pause to that particular timeframe and the void that these cerebral programs filled in preparation for this particular day. I have already been to hell, or at least some form of a vague purgatory, enough to make you definitely want to be on one side or the other. Anything but 6PM Saturday.
“Gloom, despair and agony on me, deep dark depresion, intensive misery, if it weren’t for bad luck, I’d have no luck at all. Gloom, despair and agony on me.” Yes, I was in hell. And now today at 6PM. Oh boy, can’t wait.
May 21, 2011 at 1:48 pm |
I guees that now the Astros have nothing to lose if they try the suicide squeeze.
May 21, 2011 at 2:25 pm |
About 2pm today I’m going to Brennan’s and eat and drink myself to death. If the world ends this is my goodby, if it was a hoax I will be in the Harris County Jail serving time for the Dinner and Bar Tab I couldn’t pay.
May 21, 2011 at 6:00 pm |
Selfishly, I’m not ready. I know there must be many (maybe 1 or 2) that are looking forward to the end, I however will miss the daily thoughts of a true Baseball mentor. The musings of Mr. Bill are worth hanging around for. Now, perhaps if we were guaranteed a place to sit, listen and learn, I could be convinced it might not be all bad. Perhaps even another game with the Houston Babies…. jo
May 22, 2011 at 12:17 am |
Saw this item in The Week Magazine today:
///////////////////////////////////////////////////////
Good Week – Bad Week
Good week for: The human race, Discounts, Sweet justice; Bad week for: Newt Gingrich, Antonio Hernández, Autumn Braden
posted on May 20, 2011, at 1:38 PM
Good week for:
The human race, after the world did not end on May 21, as Christian radio broadcaster Harold Camping had predicted. [Editor’s note: We filed this item several days early, but will print a correction if it’s wrong.]
March 20, 2012 at 7:45 pm |
Odd news…
[…]Down in the Dumps on Doomsday « The Pecan Park Eagle[…]…
March 18, 2014 at 5:11 pm |
It’s going to be finish of mine day, however before ending I am
reading this wonderful post to increase my experience.