The Stupor Bowl – And Other Bad Ideas

If you "Win Ten" - where do wear #11?

After going into the Seattle Seahawks yesterday as sort of a built-in bad idea in pro sports (a losing-record team advancing to the playoffs as a first week home team), my mind immediately wandered into new and old, and mostly borrowed ideas we might introduce into our national bag of athletic cornucopia.

(1) Shorter, Better NBA Basketball Games. My cousin Jim Hunt spoke for a lot of fans a few years ago when he expressed his boredom with the NBA. “I can’t take it anymore,” Jim said. “Just watching each club shoot the lights out on their separate ways to 100 points and a game that would come down to whatever happened on the last play takes too much watching to hold my attention that long. My suggestion to the NBA is this simple: Shorten all games to two minutes of time and give each team 100 points from the start. Then play the only part of the game that most of us care to watch in the first place anyway as the whole enchilada and then move the crowd on by playing a number of double, triple, and quadruple headers on the same night under the new rules. That works for me – unless I get bored again.”

Maybe Cousin Jim has a bad idea. Maybe not.

(2) Winter MLB Season Mimics NFL Here’s another one that I like. Kill the baseball off-season by playing a 16-game, once-a-week contests schedule that mimics the NFL self-important emphasis on each game. Restrict the rosters to 14 players (8 starters, 1 extra catcher, 1 extra infielder, and 1 extra outfielder), plus 1 starting pitcher and 2 “back-up” pitchers.) Now the pitcher and each game take on all the same importance as an NFL QB and each regular contest in the NFL year.

By special arrangement between the NFL and MLB, allow each NFL team to sponsor and sign their own 14-player rosters and play the same weekly schedule as the Houston Baseball Texans, the Dallas Baseball Cowboys, etc, – following the same path and formula of NFL Football to a one-game MLB-NFL Baseball Super Bowl to be played on the Saturday preceding the Super Bowl.

Lame as it may be, I’ll take the blame for this one. It simply spilled over in my mind from years of watching the NFL and wishing that each game was baseball, instead. Then, one day, it dawned on me. With a little playful insanity put into motion, maybe we could make that happen, but would two organizational groups management groups and two different sport player unions support it? Maybe. There ought to be enough television, gate, and marketing money in the pot to make it appealing to somebody.

(3) The Stupor Bowl. By comparison to the two established sports culture rippers presented in our first two ideas, this one is simply a mild attempt to enlarge upon the NFL’s “on any given Sunday” tout that any club in the league is capable of beating any other – at least, once in a blue moon.

How about a game designed to check the truth of that expression? Every year, on the Sunday following the Super Bowl, let’s say we put the Super Bowl winner up against the one team in the league with the absolute worst record by some gradient formula in case of W-L record ties. Could the NFL’s established “best club” put their more celebrated victory, injury, and weariness behind them long enough to take on and defeat the rested “worst club” in the league? I don’t know, but it certainly beats the Pro Bowl as a game with appeal.

Call it the “Stupor Bowl” and let’s find out.

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3 Responses to “The Stupor Bowl – And Other Bad Ideas”

  1. Wayne Williams Says:

    Bill: Congratulations to the Auburn War Eagles. They just won the right to play TCU for the national title. When does the game start.

    • Bill McCurdy Says:

      Any time. Any place. I’d pay to see that one. Unfortunately, the BCS/Bowl System is one “bad idea” that’s already in place to effectively make sure that at least one deserving club is left on the curb with no shot every year. This time, the dead fish award passes to TCU.

  2. Anthony Cavender Says:

    Other bad ideas: (a)A proposed NFL 18 game regular season. This will make the gamblers happy and those who provide medical services to injured ball players; (b) scantily-dressed cheerleaders at NBA and NFL games–what were they thinking (c) a 162 game regular baseball season followed by a series of playoff g?ames (to be expanded to even more teams) leading into the inevitable November classic; (d) ESPN; (e) 24 our hour sports talk shows, demonstrating again the continuing validity of Gresham’s Law; (e) the New Sporting News; (f) the DH.

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