In The Big Inning ...
In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth so that people would have a place to play His great Gift to humankind, the game of baseball.
Now the earth was formless and empty, darkness was over the surface of the deep, and the Spirit of God was hovering over the waters. He knew that it was going to be very hard for fielders to follow and catch high fly balls in games played under these circumstances.
Problem solved. God said, “Let there be light,” and there was light.
God saw that the light was good, and he separated the light from the darkness. Man saw that light contained a built-in profit motive, After quickly organizing energy and utility companies who would provide light to consumers for a fee, man separated his kind into those who came to baseball games as players, and those who came to baseball games as fans. Players were paid a salary based upon their abilities to play and the power of their agents to shake down team owners for big bucks over time. Fans were separated into those who could variably afford tickets – and those who could not afford tickets at all. Those who could afford tickets would be rewarded with variably good seats in the light, based upon their abilities to pay. Those fans who could not afford tickets would be left outside in the darkness.
God called the light “day,” and the darkness he called “night.” And there was evening, and there was morning on the first day. Baseball team owners saw that most of humanity worked during the light of day and slept in the darkness of night. And so those men who owned teams said, “Let there be artificial light to brighten the darkness and make baseball game attendance by fans preferable to sleep once the sun goes down.”
And God said, “Let there be an expanse between the waters to separate water from water.” And the team owners-appointed Commissioner of Baseball said, “Let there either be a territorial expanse between the regional waters of differing teams for marketing purposes – or let there be a retailing contract among all teams that will charge fans for even writing our copyrighted team names on their tee shirts with a magic marker.”
So God made the expanse and separated the water under the expanse from the water above it. And it was so. So the Commissioner of Baseball too made the commercial expanse happen by collectively grouping all the waters of product marketing profit together so that all conceivable revenue streams flowed through his hands. And it was so self-serving.
And God continued through His steps of Heavenly Creation for six full days. And on the seventh day, He rested. And the Commissioner of Baseball has continued through his always-growing steps of revenue stream development, as he has from the beginning until now. And he never rests.
And that’s the gospel truth.
The Pecan Park Eagle 
June 24, 2010 at 3:05 pm |
Such creative writing!!
June 25, 2010 at 5:27 pm |
Brilliant, Bill!
June 26, 2010 at 3:34 am |
If he would rotate that ball 180 degrees to the right he could deliver a slider. Just remember that on release it’s as if you’re reaching out to turn the doorknob to the pearly gates.
But I do become rather unsettled when he uses that darn knuckleball.
June 26, 2010 at 2:55 pm |
The Gospel Truth? Now you are stepping into my territory. Sounds like you long for the days when slavery ruled the BB roost. I know I do. Agents and the socialistic structure of the game have spoiled a lot of it for most of us. The ’94 strike fanned a lot of us out of the park. You might say that we stayed home inside of ran home. Keep up the good work. Bill Borst, of the Gospel Truth.
July 2, 2010 at 3:09 am |
bbprof got it right! I have attended two Mariners games since the ’94 strike. One was a Colorado Silver Bullets pre-Mariner/Yankee game; the other was with my teen granddaughter who just had to see Ichiro.
Greedy owners and spoiled little rich kids have taken the joy out of Mudville.
July 2, 2010 at 4:43 am |
And yet somehow baseball attendance has been robust, despite the absence of bbprof and Robert B Godwin.