Black Friday Sale on Baseball Robots.

What if Major League Baseball teams were able to lease replica baseball player robots that were capable of performing at the same level of their namesakes? The only conditions and restrictions on these contracts are these:

1. Contracts must be completed with the PlayerMax Company Manufacturing Firm today, Black Friday, or not opened again for reconsideration again until the Friday after Thanksgiving 2010.

2. By agreement with MLB Licensing and the Players’ Union, player robots are modeled only upon big leaguers who played in the 20th century up to 1960 only.

3. By agreement with the Players’ Union Competition Committee, robots may only be leased per annum at the rate of their highest best year salary earned as humans in the big leagues. Salaries/leasing rates range from $3,000 to $80,000 per year. Leasing teams will pay a fee that is based on the actual player’s salary for the year he performed as you desire him to be programmed for their 2010 clubs. If you want a Babe Ruth robot from 1921, you will have to pay the company what Ruth made in salary for that year.

4. Only one model robot for each actual player is available to the leasing pool. If someone takes a ’21 or ’27 Babe Ruth model, no other club may choose a Babe Ruth robot from any other year. They must select a player model that has yet to be taken in this draft for any year.

5. All leasing opportunities are based inversely on each club’s 2009 record. The worst teams draft first; the best teams draft last. In case of ties, alphabetical order will rule as the tie-breaker on who drafts first.

6. Each MLB club will have four robot draft choices, but with a $100,000 budget ceiling on leasing funds that may be spent on all players chosen.

7. The draft will contain four rounds. Teams that exhaust their budget ceilings  earlier will be out of the draft for the remainder of their choices.

8. Teams that do not use their entire budgets will donate the unused portions to the Players Union Pension Fund, plus (major “harrumph” here), each MLB team will pay $10,000,000 into the Pension Fund each year in exchange for the right to indulge in the robot option.

9. All leasing arrangements are for one year only. No future service options are for sale and no refunds or replacements are allowed for robots that break down after the leasing contracts are signed.

Here’s the draft order for today’s robot picks. How would you pick ’em based on the most obvious needs of each club? If you have any ideas on what the weakest clubs should do, please post them below as comments upon this article.

Black Friday Baseball Fiction Bonus: The more time you spend on this exercise today, the less time you will have for spending money  at the mall.

Robot (1901-1960) Player Draft Order:

1. Washington; 2. Pittsburgh; 3. Baltimore; 4. Cleveland; 5. Kansas City; 6.Arizona; 7. New York Mets; 8. Houston; 9. Oakland; 10. San Diego; 11. Toronto; 12. Cincinnati; 13. Chicago White Sox; 14. Milwaukee; 15. Chicago Cubs; 16. Tampa Bay; 17. Seattle; 18. Detroit; 19. Atlanta; 20. Florida; 21. Minnesota; 22. Texas; 23. San Francisco; 24. St. Louis; 25. Colorado; 26. Philadelphia; 27. Boston; 28. Los Angeles Dodgers; 29. Los Angeles Angels at Anaheim; 30. New York Yankees.

If you were a real MLB general manager, and this cyber-solution were a real way to fill the holes on your club, this robot player draft would now likely loom as the most important business of your off-season administration period.

Hope some of you bedrock fans have fun with the idea. It really will be better for you than a Christmas shopping trip today.

Tags: ,

2 Responses to “Black Friday Sale on Baseball Robots.”

  1. Serge Masse Says:

    The same exercise could be applied to Basketball, Football,Hockey and Soccer.

  2. Andy Biles Says:

    This is great! I would be able to complete my e-autograpgh collection within a matter of hours!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: