It’s a good thing this season doesn’t matter,because, through all games of Sunday, April 15, 2012, the Astros own the worst record in the big leagues:
| POSITION | TEAM | WON | LOST | W PCT. | GB |
| 1 | Yankees | 54 | 34` | .614 | — |
| 2 | Rangers | 54 | 35 | .607 | 0.5 |
| 3 | Nationals | 51 | 35 | .593 | 2.0 |
| 4 | Reds | 50 | 38 | .568 | 4.0 |
| 5t | Braves | 49 | 39 | .557 | 5.0 |
| 5t | Pirates | 49 | 39 | .557 | 5.0 |
| 5t | White Sox | 49 | 39 | .557 | 5.0 |
| 8t | Angels | 49 | 40 | .551 | 5.5 |
| 8t | Giants | 49 | 40 | .551 | 5.5 |
| 10 | Dodgers | 48 | 42 | .533 | 7.0 |
| 11 | Orioles | 46 | 42 | .523 | 8.0 |
| 12t | Athletics | 46 | 43 | .517 | 8.5 |
| 12t | Cardinals | 46 | 43 | .517 | 8.5 |
| 12t | Mets | 46 | 43 | .517 | 8.5 |
| 12t | Rays | 46 | 43 | .517 | 8.5 |
| 12t | Tigers | 46 | 43 | .517 | 8,5 |
| 17 | Indians | 45 | 43 | .511 | 9.0 |
| 18t | Blue Jays | 45 | 44 | .506 | 9.5 |
| 18t | Red Sox | 45 | 44 | .506 | 9.5 |
| 20t | Brewers | 42 | 46 | .477 | 12.0 |
| 20t | Diamondbacks | 42 | 46 | .477 | 12.0 |
| 20t | Marlins | 42 | 46 | .477 | 12.0 |
| 23 | Royals | 38 | 49 | .437 | 15.5 |
| 24 | Phillies | 39 | 51 | .433 | 16.0 |
| 25 | Mariners | 37 | 53 | .411 | 18.0 |
| 26t | Cubs | 36 | 52 | .409 | 18.0 |
| 26t | Twins | 36 | 52 | .409 | 18.0 |
| 28 | Padres | 36 | 54 | .400 | 19.0 |
| 29 | Rockies | 34 | 54 | .386 | 20.0 |
| 30 | Astros | 33 | 56 | .371 | 21.5 |
A Pox Upon the Up and Running Baseball One-World
I pledge no allegiance – to the flag,
Of the united big league of baseball,
But to the sweet memory – of Stan the Man,
As they soon move the DH – into old NL land.
Pox to the republic – for which he now plans,
One baseball nation – under Bud,
With liberty and revenue for some.