The Pecan Park Eagle

“Pardon me, Ford! Let’s have a chat and choose your new shoes!” (from a musical play idea I called “A Day at The Oval Office” and sung to the tune of “Chattanooga Cho Choo”)

For better, and mostly worse, I’ve been writing song parodies since I was a freshman at St. Thomas High School. They just seem to pop into my head at random moments, always pulling together something from my rather lengthy play list of songs from the 1920s, 1930s, 1940s, and 1950s with some event or strong interest in my life.

I don’t really write them. They just show up. And I write them down as I hear them.

Once I wrote a whole musical song and dance number to dramatize the resignation plan of Richard Nixon to appoint Gerald Ford as his vice-president in exchange for an agreement from Ford that he would pardon Mr. Nixon for any wrongdoing in the Watergate affair after the former had assumed the powers of office to do so. The whole thing parodied on the words and music from the song, “Chattanooga Choo Choo” and it went like this, with Nixon first singing to Ford in the oval office before the former leads the latter on a lively jitterbug out the oval office door as if it were stage exit right:

“Pardon me, Ford! ~ Let’s have a chat and choose your new shoes! – I will resign! ~ Then everything will be fine! ~ There’s gonna be ~ a Watergate investigation! ~ But it won’t be fair ~ ’cause Johnny Dean will be there! ~ They’ll have the votes for my impeachment ~ so I might as well go! ~ Then you can be the president ~ and they’ll never know – if I have conceded – (expletive deleted) ~ if I knew or didn’t know ~ they just can’t read it! ~ I’ll never roam ~ away from my own ~ tax-free ~ San Clemente Home! ~ And you can wear the new shoes ~ that go along with the throne! ~ Pardon me, Ford! ~ Pardon me, Ford! ~ Get on board, Ford! ~ Get on board! ~ And you can wear the new shoes ~ (da-da-da-dum) ~ that go along with the thro00000000ne!!!”

Today it happened with the Astros rebuilding program. Here are the first six parodies to break loose as a playlist of songs that fit the meter and tune to the original songs, but now match up with the subject of this great change moment in Houston Astros history. Except where indicated, most are simply written to fellow Astros fans:

Feel free to read, endure or delete. Or submit your own as comments. It’s a wonderfully cathartic experience.

Prisoners of Love

“Alone from year to year, you’ll find us; ~ Too weak to break the ties that bind us; ~ We cannot pitch, ~ no bats behind us;  ~ We’re just the prisoners of our love!”

It’s Gonna Be A Great Day

“When you’re down and out, ~ Lift up your head and shout: ~ Root. Root. Root.”

Pick Yourself Up

“Nothing’s impossible, we have found, ~ for when our “Stros – are on the ground, ~ we trade ’em all off, ~ sign some kids up, ~ and start all over again.”

What’s New?

(as sung to the 2013 Astros roster)

“What’s new? ~ How is the world treating you? ~ You haven’t changed a bit! ~ To tell the truth, ~ you still look like spit!”

So Young

(as sung to Astros GM, Jeff Luhnow)

“You made the team so young! ~ And now they play like ~ dung that’s been slung! ~ Bells must be rung ~ So a flag can be hung ~ one fine day! ~ We’re hangin’ with you, Jeff ~ hoping for that really ~ one fine day, but ~ this team still plays ~ like ~ dung! – Like Frankie says, mister! ~ Yeah! ~ This team still plays ~ like ~ dung!”

 A Kiss To Build A Dream On

(ibid, Jeff Luhnow – to help us get through the pine green dung years)

“Give us ~ a star to build a dream on ~ and our imagination ~ will make that moment live! ~ Astros, ~ we ask no more than this ~ a star to build a dream on!”