The Pecan Park Eagle

QUESTION: WHAT’S WRONG WITH TEXANS QB RYAN FITZPATRICK?

RYAN FITZPATRICK
2014 QUARTERBACK
HOUSTON TEXANS

ANSWER: THE GUY IN OUR FIRST PHOTO IS REALLY ACTOR  ZACH GALIFIANAKIS  OF THE “HANGOVER” MOVIE SERIES, WITH A SUPERFICIAL MAKEOVER!

ZACK GALIFIANAKIS (2013)
A.K.A.
RYAN FITZPATRICK (2014)

After the “Hangover” movie franchise finally went on a much deserved wagon, actor Zack Galifianakis decided it was time to check off “NFL Quarterback”  from bucket list of biggest personal unfulfilled wishes. He lost forty pounds, got a haircut, but let his already full beard grow just long enough beyond its appearance in the second featured photo above from November 2013. It was just enough to fool Texans General Manager Rick Smith into desperately signing him as a close resemblance to, but bogus version of, the real Ryan Fitzpatrick. The real Ryan Fitzpatrick, meanwhile, is being held captive by a bevy of Hollywood starlets in a mountain cabin somewhere in the Tennessee hills near Nashville until the end of the season. Well, technically we  cannot call it felony kidnapping since Ryan volunteered for it under the condition that Galififianakis agreed to commit 90% of his contract salary to him for the opportunity to live out his dream.

There was just one flaw in the plan.

The real Ryan Fitzpatrick may not be the best quarterback in the world, but he may have been a whole lot better than an imposter who plays with the best skills that Zach Galifianakis can bring to the field of battle.

Looks like the 2014 season of the Houston Texans could turn out to be the football version of what may soon be written for the screen as “Hangover IV.”

And that’s the way this cookie crumbled in the world of sports today, Bill Stern fans!