What If Astros Added BB Movie Heroes to Roster?

“Now listen up, Lanigan! ~ Once we join the Astros, try not to draw everyone’s attention to that hole in the pocket of my glove, OK?” ~ Pitcher King Kelly.


What If the Astros Added BB Movie Heroes to Roster? More correctly, what if they had the magical power to add some of the great fictional baseball movie characters to fill their few weaker roster spots on the 2019 “Take It Back” Astros roster that is currently taking shape.

Yeah, we know, the real world doesn’t turn on the presence of movie magic. In MLB today, you have to have General Managers like our Jeff Luhnow and his Army of Analytics to churn out data on what’s needed and who’s available to meet those needs, but this the first Saturday after Valentine’s Day ~ and this 81 year old kid is playing with the idea of how great we could really be in 2019 with just a little magical help with the roster in a few places.

Limiting myself to fictional movie characters only, I drafted seven players from the movies that I felt we could go to Opening Day with right now, if we were given the magical signal that all the changes here had been approved and made real by the baseball gods.

If you know these characters, you will have some idea of why the fellows shown in bold type below could help the Astros “take it back” in the next World Series this autumn.

You may even want to leave your own suggestions for change or additions to this talent infusion in the comment section below. If you do, please stick to fictional baseball movie characters. We’re not looking for the reincarnation of Babe Ruth or Lou Gehrig.

What follows is the 2019 Houston Astros “TAKE IT BACK” Roster, as we see it:

1 SP1 Justin Verlander MLB
2 SP2 King Kelly MOVIE It Happens Every Spring
3 SP3 Gerrit Cole MLB
4 SP4 Wade Miley (L) MLB
5 SP5 Nuke LaLoosh MOVIE Bull Durham
6 SP/R Collin McHugh MLB
7 SP/R Brad Peacock MLB
8 R Will Harris MLB
9 R Ryan Pressly MLB
10 R Rey Guduan (L) MLB
11 R Chris Devenski MLB
12 Clr1 Roberto Osuna MLB
13 Clr2 Ricky Vaughn MOVIE Major League
14 C Crash Davis MOVIE Bull Durham
15 C Rob Chirinos MLB
16 C Monk Lanigan MOVIE It Happens Every Spring
17 1B/IF/DH Yuli Gurriel MLB
18 2B Jose Altuve MLB
19 3B Alex Bregman MLB
20 SS Carlos Correa MLB
21 DH/OF/1B Roy Hobbs MOVIE The Natural
22 LF Michael Brantley MLB
23 CF/UTIL Joe Hardy MOVIE Damn Yankees
24 RF George Springer MLB
25 OF/DH Josh Reddick MLB

Here’s just one lineup that could hit the ground running in the second game of the season. In dutiful respect to Justin Verlander, Mike “King” Kelly ~ the guy with the wood repellent stuff that repels all bats trying to hit it once Kelly doctors each baseball prior to each pitch’s delivery from a sponge that rests behind the large hole in his pitcher’s glove pocket:

One Houston Astros Lineup

Springer, RF

Altuve, 2B

Hardy, CF

Hobbs, DH

Bregman, 3B

Correa, SS

Brantley, LF

Gurriel, 1B

Lanigan, C


Kelly, P


How do you like dem egg rolls, Mr. Goldstone? ~ Could the Astros become the first undefeated baseball team in MLB history with this magical lineup? ~ When you play with magic, even the impossible downshifts to the only highest levels of improbability. 🙂

In the end, any possibility is better than none.


Bill McCurdy

Principal Writer, Editor, Publisher



2 Responses to “What If Astros Added BB Movie Heroes to Roster?”

  1. Cliff Blau Says:

    I don’t see why you would want a Class A pitcher like LaLoosh on your roster when you could have Author Wiggen (Bang The Drum Slowly), an all-time great.

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