The Irish are the most secure ethnic group in America. Change the name of the Notre Dame Fighting Irish to Fighting Whatever Others – and watch what happens over night on Twitter!
Thank you, Pat Callahan (STHS 1956) for most of the contributions listed below. This was fun, even if we did have to add or change a few, including the addition of one that spoofs my own precious UH for the sake of balancing the ridicule-wheel. With things like the Ray Rice mess dominating the sports headlines this week and those crazy Isis idiots running wild in the Middle East, we could all use a heavy dose of humor for the fact that, as a wise old friend of mine used to express it, life is sometimes revealed to us as a tragicomic cosmic joke. We just better hope that this apparent peculiarity doesn’t also turn out to be the bottom line!”
Better still – keep the faith in something bigger and better than this gray plain – in a world where our souls and spirits can soar out of the grainy black and white images of our early lives and far into the watercolor burst of the creative life that awaits each of us who dare to seek its vision – at any stage of the journey. Find a light laugh or loud guffaw along the way, wherever you can, whenever you are able. – Life’s too sweet to swing and miss – and then sit down – to never rise again.
Rise up. The beauty of life belongs to those who keep getting back up and reaching for it again.
Now let’s move on to some college football fun fables:
_______________________________________________
Ohio State’s Urban Meyer speaks on one of his players: “He doesn’t know the meaning of the word fear. In fact, I just saw his grades and he doesn’t know the meaning of a lot of words.”
___________________________________________
Why do Tennessee fans wear orange? So they can dress that way for the game on Saturday, go hunting on Sunday, and pick up trash on Monday.
___________________________________________
What does the average Alabama player get on his SATs? …. Drool.
___________________________________________
How many Michigan freshmen football players does it take to change a light bulb? None …. That’s a sophomore course.
___________________________________________
How did the Iowa football player die from drinking milk? The cow fell on him.
___________________________________________
A University of Arizona football player was almost killed yesterday in a tragic horseback-riding accident. He fell from a horse and was nearly trampled to death. Luckily, the manager of the Wal-Mart came out and unplugged the horse.
___________________________________________
What do you say to a University of Miami Hurricane football player dressed in a three-piece suit? – “Will the defendant please rise.”
___________________________________________
What is the most common excuse for academic failure among University of Houston football players? – “Every time I went to the library, all three of our books were checked out.”
________________________________________________
If three Florida State football players are in the same car, who is driving? – The police officer.
___________________________________________
How can you tell if an Auburn football player has a girlfriend? – There’s tobacco juice on both sides of the pickup truck.
___________________________________________
What do you get when you put 32 Arkansas cheerleaders in one room? – A full set of teeth.
___________________________________________
University of Michigan Coach Brady Hoke is only going to dress half of his players for the game this week. – The other half will have to dress themselves.
___________________________________________
How is the Kansas State football team like an opossum? They play dead at home and get killed on the road.
____________________________________________
How do you get a former Illinois football player off your porch? – Pay him for the pizza.
___________________________________________
What are the longest three years of a Oklahoma University football player’s life? …. Freshman I, Freshman II, and Freshman III.
__________________________________________
What is the first thing those 5 star recruits want to know when they arrive on the University of Texas campus as freshmen? – “Coach Strong, will the hot coed who brings my breakfast in bed each morning be the same girl that comes in the night to whisper in my ear that I’ve been selected as a Heisman finalist?”
__________________________________________
How many Texas Aggie linebackers does it take to eat an armadillo? Answer: Two: – one to eat the armadillo – and one to watch for cars.
__________________________________________
What are the Rice Owl prospects for the 2014 football season? – Beyond those who reside at the tiny braniac college on South Main, who gives a hoot?
__________________________________________
Have a great Thursday, folks – and “GO COUGARS! BEAT BYU on national TV tonight! … Pretty please! *
* The UH Cougars are a long shot tonight, but my loyalty is what it is. I can still hope against probability – even when the odds are stacked way, way against my Alma Mater. The only sure thing is that the Cougars will win tonight – since “Cougars” is the nickname for both BYU and UH.
Tags: college football fables
The Pecan Park Eagle 
Leave a comment