Margaret Dumont: “I’ve never been more insulted in my entire life!”
Groucho Marx: “Relax, Madam! The evening is young!”
Thanks to a good friend who sent this item to me this Tuesday on a slow news day, one filled with uninspiring visitations with the Muses and far too many laborious home chores to sit long enough into the delightful glide that is research and writing. …
Insults with Class by the Egos of Fame and Power
| A member of Parliament to Disraeli: “Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease.” “That depends, Sir,” said Disraeli, “on whether I embrace your policies or your mistress.”“He had delusions of adequacy.” – Walter Kerr“He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.” – Winston Churchill
“I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure.” Clarence Darrow “He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary.” – William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway). “Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I’ll waste no time reading it.” – Moses Hadas “I didn’t attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.” – Mark Twain “He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends..” – Oscar Wilde “I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend, if you have one.” – George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill “Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second …. if there is one.” – Winston Churchill, in response. “I feel so miserable without you; it’s almost like having you here.” – Stephen Bishop “He is a self-made man and worships his creator.” – John Bright “I’ve just learned about his illness. Let’s hope it’s nothing trivial.” – Irvin S. Cobb “He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others.”– Samuel Johnson “He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up.” – Paul Keating “In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily. – Charles, Count Talleyrand “He loves nature in spite of what it did to him.” – Forrest Tucker “Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?” – Mark Twain “His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork.” – Mae West “Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.”– Oscar Wilde “He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts… for support rather than illumination.” – Andrew Lang “He has Van Gogh’s ear for music.” – Billy Wilder “I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening. But I’m afraid this wasn’t it.” – Groucho Marx |
The Pecan Park Eagle 
August 27, 2014 at 11:54 am |
Some of my favorites:
(A movie reviewer of an actress) “She ran the gamut of emotions from A to B.”
(To someone threatening to leave) “There is a bus leaving tonight at 8 p.m. Be under it.”
A female rival to Sir Winston Churchill: “If you were my husband, I would poison your soup.” Churchill’s reply: “If YOU were my wife, I’d drink it.”
And Bob Dylan’s classic chorus in the song “Idiot Wind”:
“Idiot wind. Blowin’ every time you move your teeth.
You’re an idiot man. It’s a wonder that you still know how to breathe.”
August 27, 2014 at 5:37 pm |
My favorite is a rejection letter that Gertrude Stein received from a London publisher in which said publisher mocked her repetitive literary style (for example, “Rose is a rose is a rose is a rose.”). Here is the text (which I got out of the book “Dear Sir, Drop Dead!”):
“I am only one, only one, only one. Only one being, one at the same time, Not two, not three, only one. Only one life to live, only sixty minutes in one hour. Only one pair of eyes. Only one brain. Only one being. Being only one, having only one pair of eyes, having only one time, having only one life, I cannot read your MS. three or four times. Not even one time. Only one look, only one look is enough. Hardly one copy would sell here, hardly one. Hardly one.
Many thanks. I am returning the MS. by registered post. Only one MS. by one post.”
I’d say this editor belongs on the list of all-time smart alecks.