In view of that painful half game, 30 minute suspension of Johnny Manziel for signing autographs that may be converted into retail items and actually sold for personal profit by the individuals who received them, perhaps, the NCAA should propose that their not-so-funny penalty hammer should now fall heavily with even greater weight and force upon individuals and schools who are found guilty in the future of violating these other similarly miscreant acts.
We think that he NCAA wants the general public and the ticket-buying fan population to know that, even though this is not a serious and official proclamation of their true intentions, that no one on their rules and enforcement governing committee could think of anything dumber than the recommendations being made here in parody – nor could any NCAA rules maker look us straight in the face and tell us that the Manziel Decision was anything more than a step taken to clear the way for the NCAA’s own profit plans for the 2013 college football and general sports season.
The NCAA should also vow to do all in their power to keep the unpaid exploited amateur athletes who play college sports from getting in the way of the billions of dollars in profits that pass directly to the universities, television sponsors, bowl games, related equipment and uniform supply entities, and the NCAA itself as a result of these healthy, exciting, and popular athletic activities.
Our Proposed New NCAA Athletic Penalties
1) All NCAA athletes found guilty of signing their autograph(s) for persons known to be potential retailers without proof of payment to the athletes themselves must “Take the Manziel” and miss the first half of their next scheduled event.
(100 meter track runners, for example, will be forced to begin their races at the 50 meter mark, but they will be allowed to start running when the starter’s gun fires for all runners.)
2) Team sport players getting “The Manziel” when their next foe is Rice will get the option of (a) either taking the half game suspension against Rice – or else – (b) giving up the consumption of rice, including the little dabs that come with Chinese takeout food orders, for the balance of their respective seasons.
3) Players found guilty of unsportsmanlike conduct will not face suspension for their actions, but they will be required to either (a) lay out their next game, or else, (2) play their next game unprotected by the rules governing unsportsmanlike conduct toward them by other players.
4) Never allow any unpleasant reality to get in the way of the season starting out as an attractive television franchise. Use the half-game suspension, or its 30 minute equivalent, to cover and instantly cure a broad variety of nettlesome pre-season nuisance problems.
That’s enough for now. If we are followed, we should give the NCAA rules committee the power and direction they need to pretty much get better at what they now already do in great abundance, anyway – and that is, doing pretty much whatever they damn well please.
OK. Everybody! – Have a nice Labor Day weekend on these first hot days of the new college football season.
The preceding piece is strictly a fictional mockery of the NCAA and their ruling in the Johnny Manziel autograph signing for dealers case and is not presented as an actual account of any real actions the real NCAA is either offering or presenting.
Tags: an ncaa rules parody
The Pecan Park Eagle 
September 1, 2013 at 1:25 pm |
Your mockery comes no where near what Johnny Classless did himself by acting like he was signing autographs and handing them to the Rice players Saturday. The announcers on ESPN had a lot to say about that. Maybe that spoiled brat will try it against ‘bama. That program is out of control. Be glad Sumlin is gone from UH.
September 4, 2013 at 1:02 pm |
At best, it shows JM has a sense of humor; at worst, it shows JM doesn’t know how to subdue his colorful personality in deference to authority. And yet, this is football, not the U.S. Army, so where is that line drawn?