Top 10 Similarities and Differences Between the College of Cardinals and the St. Louis Cardinals
(10) The St. Louis Cardinals wear red and white uniforms.
(9) The College of Cardinals wear red and white uniforms, but with no covered stirrup socks or spiked shoes.
(8) In honor of the recently retired Pope Benedict, a College of Cardinals Committee on Appropriate Poetic Parody is now working on an adaptation of “Casey at the Bat” in recognition of his handling of rogue priest issues, the downturn in religious vocations, and the role of women within the Church.
(7) The College of Cardinals is considering the adaptation of a St. Louis Cardinals uniform design for their new summer cassocks. If approved, the new College breast-plate logo will feature two new Popes each season, facing each other from standing positions on both ends of a horizontally inclined obelisk.
(6) One Vatican observer noted that the College of Cardinals may have a very clear profile of what they are seeking in the next Pope. “They are looking for Jesus Christ with an M.B.A.,” he remarked. Meanwhile, the St. Louis Cardinals have some clear ideas on leadership too. The more their managers look, think, and act like Tony LaRussa, the better.
(5) The St. Louis Cardinals are falling a little behind in their use of modern media technology. The College of Cardinals still prefers smoke signals to Twitter, texting, or e-mail.
(4) Growing up, I once knew a religious and athletic Italian fellow named Johnny Sicola. Johnny couldn’t make it with the St. Louis Cardinals because he didn’t quite have major league ability. So, he became a priest, but he couldn’t make it to the top because the College of Cardinals decided that no one would pay serious attention to a church leader who wanted to be known by his given name as “Pope Sicola.” *
(3) College of Cardinals members pray for heavenly help to pass through the Pearly Gates; the St. Louis Cardinals play for heavenly managers (and a few from that other place) to get through the Gateway Arch and win a World Series whenever it’s possible.
(2) College of Cardinals members wait until they die before they go play with the angels.
(1) The College of Cardinals have never been perfect; the St. Louis Cardinals once had Stan Musial.
* 3/12/13: What are the odds? Yesterday morning, I included the “Pope Sicola” tale in this piece after carrying it in my heart for well over a half century, and guess what? Last night, Jay Leno used the same story in his monolog! He changed the lead in part of the joke, of course, but the punch line was straight out of this Pecan Park Eagle column.
They even had a prop Pepsi bottle made up that said “Pope Scola” on the label, even though Jay very clearly pronounced the name with an “i” as “Sicola” in his TV bit. Don’t worry, Jay. I’m not going to sue you.
The Pecan Park Eagle 
March 11, 2013 at 2:36 pm |
I loved this comparison! My dad, Joe Presko, once a St. Louis
Cardinal had a brother-in-law who was a priest. My uncle, the priest, loved watching his fellow clergy’s amazement when he announced his brother-in-law was a Cardinal!
March 12, 2013 at 3:06 am |
Great essay, Bill! Thanks for sharing your unique perspective. La Russa would be a good choice, but I doubt that he’s intereseted!
March 12, 2013 at 8:46 pm |
LaRussa would be just right. He was a Cardinal for 16 years, he’s Italian, and he’s infallible.
March 13, 2013 at 1:55 am |
Bill this was excellent. Were you inspired by the cartoon for the column? Really liked the smoke signal reference and the perfection of Stan Musial. He was really a great one!
March 13, 2013 at 3:42 am |
Thanks, Mike. – Yes, the cartoon triggered the whole thing. It wrote itself from there in about thirty minutes time. When the writer muse dances for any of us, he or she takes it all the way to the house.
March 15, 2013 at 12:46 pm |
Great post! I love the cartoon and the similarities/differences. Number 2. made me chuckle!
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Thanks for your time, and keep up the great blog!
All the best,
Teo