Astrodomus: noun or adjective, defined as: (1) Those funny little unpredictable things the Houston Astros sometimes do that even Nostradamus did not see coming; (2) Any action or performance put in motion by either the Houston Astros club or any player or official representative of said club that we could not see coming in advance of its public reference is hereby appropriately recognized for all time in the noun form as an “Astrodomus”.
Son of a gun. Although I’m sure it was mere coincidence, the Astros chose yesterday, the same day I wrote my broadcast team parody, to pick their actual selections and half of my first team recommendation made it through the wire when Steve Sparks made it as the club’s choice for color work on the 790 AM radio network hub in Houston. Good luck, Steve. I’m just sorry that Greg Lucas could not go with you, but that’s life for all of us eventually, if we reach a certain age. It’s the unspeakable, invisible rationale for what is often called the jump-starter button on the deselection process due to age. The trouble is, nobody dares ever to admit it. It’s technically against the law. Hiring groups either have to fall back on obfuscation to explain their reasons for deselecting an “older” candidate, or else, they simply choose to say nothing to them or about them at all.
The guy the Astros hired for play-by-play is a fellow named Robert Ford and he comes to Houston from the Kansas City Royals with a whole lot of minor league games worked on his resume’ from earlier places and stops at cities like Kalamazoo, Michigan. That news alone set off the first firestorm in my brain, if you are either old enough, or hip enough, to remember that ancient Glenn Miller song, “I Got a Gal in Kalamazoo!”
Now Houston can sing …
“A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I …NO!
We got a guy – from Kalamazoo
Don’t want to boast but we hear he’s the toast of – Kalamazoo
(Zoo, zoo, zoo, zoo, zoo)”
Of course, the name “Robert Ford” is also the identity of the man who shot 19th century outlaw-hero Jesse James in the back, killing him in his home while he was on a stool trying to straighten a picture. Ford did it for the reward in a cowardly act that was soon mourned in anger toward that “dirty little coward, who shot Mr. Howard (the outlaw’s hideout identity), and laid Jesse James in his grave.”
How about a brief parody of that depressing little diddy as it applies to what happened here with this new version of Robert Ford. …
“Oh that minor-league-guy playman,
That shot down – David Raymond,
And laid – Astros broadcasts in their grave.”
That being said, please forgive me, Robert Ford, and welcome to Houston. You are guilty of nothing more than accepting a new job in a market in which the previous announcers, Dave Raymond and Brett Dolan, each had their own followings among fans who hated to see them go. I was a Raymond man; I even thought that everyone loved Raymond. As it turns out, some invisible advisors to team owner Jim Crane said they didn’t – and he was gone. That was neither your fault nor your doing.
I am prepared to give you an open book on winning us over and I think most Houston fans will do the same. So, please give us your best shot, Robert Ford, Just don’t wait until we’re hanging pictures to pull the trigger.
Happy Valentine’s Day, Everybody!
Tags: an Astros parody
The Pecan Park Eagle 
February 14, 2013 at 11:26 pm |
I take it that this is not the same Bob Ford that does the in-ballpark announcements at MMP?
February 15, 2013 at 12:32 am |
Nope. – the PA man, “Bob Ford”, with the deep golden voice, is still in his old place (so far) as MMP’s distinctive introductory savant and the “Robert Ford” from Kalamazoo, et al, is a wholly different dude.