The Pecan Park Eagle

If the Mayan calendar is correct and the world is coming to an end tomorrow with the arrival of the winter solstice on Friday, December 21, 2012, at 5:11 AM, Houston Central Standard Time, we all had better get started using our last 24 hours on the planet today in the ways we most prefer.

Here’s a list of the top ten things that polls suggest people may try today in light of the coming end of days:

Top Ten Things to do on the Last Day of the World! *

1) Love

2) Make Love

3) Drink & Drug

4) Get Drunk & Stoned

5) Eat

6) Over-eat

7) Read a book

8) Read the Good Book

9) Listen to talk radio

10) Pray

* Warning: Kids, other than the OK choices of 1, 5, 7, 8, or 10, don’t try this at home!!! 

Assuming that Judgment Day will start in the moments following our earthly end, here are the results of second and third polls on things to do if you are sentenced to either heaven or hell:

Top Ten Things to do if you find out you’re going to heaven!

 1) See if the list of things to do includes anything beyond cloud sitting.

2) Ibid, harp-playing.

3) Take singing lessons.

4) Learn how to praise God without crossing the God-Almighty-Boring “grovel” line.

5) Check out the Big Kitchen in the Sky for what tastes heavenly.

6) Go on an angel-dating spree.

7) Enjoy personal flying without all those uncomfortable earthly security pat-downs.

8) Hang out with Mother Theresa.

9) Live it up among all the guilt-free entitlements that come with living here.

10) Ask God what that pit stop on earth was really supposed to be all about.

Top Ten Things to do if you find out you’re going to hell?

1) Check the directory at the door for the addresses of all your friends.

2) Invest in over-kill mode on your new home and car air conditioning.

3) Don’t waste your money on a backyard grill.

4) Date or chase the same women you hooked up with on earth.

5) Make a note of how all the formerly illegal stuff on earth is now free and readily available here.

6) Ask the devil how many times he served as Commissioner of Baseball on earth.

7) Be glad you now live in the one world where no one wastes endless time and soulful energy on questioning the reality of global warming.

8) Pass on leasing the nice condo that’s now vacant between the ones already occupied by George Steinbrenner and Judge Kenesaw Mountain Landis. Lucifer is trying to hold this one open for a fellow named Bud Selig.

9) Find out that the pain of hell truly is what Woody Allen always claimed it was in the 1975 movie, Love and Death: “It’s almost as bad as spending the evening with an insurance salesman.”

10) Try to get the devil to finally admit that he’s been a Yankees fan since 1920.

Have a nice last day, everybody!

Tags: end of the world polls, Mayan predictions & their consequences

This entry was posted on December 20, 2012 at 2:05 pm and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.