The Fruits & Nutts All Star Team! ... What? You can't find Darryl Strawberry in there somewhere?
Pardon me, folks. It seems the summer heat, the collapse of the Astros, and a Fourth of July weekend discovery (the hard way) that we need a new roof at the old homestead before the next flood rain blows in (and that just “ain’t” going to happen in time, based on the weather casts) has me thinking even more steadily on the light side of things for subject matter here. Having a water leak at home, I find, is a little like having BP in charge of the weather: You know you are going to keep on getting polluted again, but you can’t always predict when and how bad it’s going to be this time.
At any rate, I’m falling back this morning on my eternal pursuit of new (at least, to me) All Star teams from baseball history that are based more on theme name than actual performance merit. Today, I’d like to present a club I’ve never tried to assemble at any previous moment of baseball madness. I call these guys The Fruits & Nutts All Stars:
Bob Lemon would have been our best choice for pitcher, but the team needed his bat and glove at shortstop.
Pitcher: Russell Peach. This nifty little lefty posted a 10-2 record with a 1.74 ERA for two minor league clubs in Bluefield and Miami back in 1973. Although Peach never cobblered his way to the big time, he was sweet on the mound while he lasted.
Catcher: Joe Cherry. I picked this rube straight off the lower minor league vine from 1964. Cherry busted out a .306 average with 9 HR at two sites that year. His work at Sarasota and Lynchburg never carried him to the top because nobody else ever picked him to go that high.
1st Base: Johnny Nutt. Crop scarcity ruled at first base. When I could find no fruits to fill this bowl, I had to take an outfielder named “Nutt” and place him on the spot in the hope that he will be one of those pasture ball chasers who can also stretch, scoop, and grab at the biggest out bag on the field. Johnny Nutt hit .281 with only a single HR for Oklahoma City way back in 1919. We will have to hope he can stretch it.
2nd Base: Jacob Almond. This Jake’s the real deal. We plucked him from the 1944 Class D ball roster of Albermarle as the only “legit” second base choice available – or at least, that we could find. Almond brings the nutty flavor of a Class D ball .244 batting average to the lineup.
3rd Base: Harold Apple. We had to go way out on a limb for this pick. A right-handed pitcher with a 5-2 record and a 1.83 ERA for AA York back in 1963, we resisted the temptation to leave him on the hill as a back up to Peach because our need for a guy at the hot corner was greater. Apple goes to third base with a .196 batting averages, a lot of doubt, and our sincere best wishes and highest unfounded hopes.
Shortstop: Bob Lemon. I know. We may be really nuts for placing one of the greatest pitches in baseball history at shortstop. Maybe all we need is to let Bob pitch as the remedy for so many weaknesses and sins at every other spot in the lineup basket, but we didn’t play the hand that way. Lemon was 23-7 with a 2.72 ERA for the 1954 AL Champion Cleveland indians, but we have him down to play at short – where he batted .300 in 1939 for Springfield and New Orleans.
Guess who bats clean up on this dazzling squad?
LF: Jim Lemon. One can never really squeeze too many Lemons into a Fruits & Nutts All Star team lineup – and most especially if one is slugging Jim Lemon, our choice for left field. We are taking Jim for his 1960 season with Washington, a year in which he hit .269 while banging out 38 HR too. GO BIG JIM!
CF: Nick Orange. On paper, Orange reads like a well-rounded lead-off hitter. We drafted Nick for his 1940 .353 BA with Class D Johnstown in the hope that his fantasy production for our F&N club could actually surpass all the things he once failed to do in reality beyond 1940. Nick’s early record reads like one of the “might-have-been” boys from the World War II years.
RF: Darryl Strawberry. What can I tell you that you don’t already know? The guy’s power numbers jump off the record book page as one the great “might-have-been” players of all time. We are taking Darryl for his 1988 year and the .269 BA with 39 HR he cranked out for the New York Mets. Sadly, Darryl Strawberry was not among those almost greats whose career was halted by war. The only war that ever stopped Darryl was the personal one that dominated what should have been his most productive years.
But, hey! The purpose of this exercise was not to dissect the psyche of Darryl Strawberry, but to present the starting (and finishing) position roster for the Fruits & Nutts All Stars as an exercise in playful diversion from tougher topics. Hope you can hang with this healthy bowl of fiber-worthy warriors.
Pardon me, but the skies just darkened outside. Looks like it’s going to rain.
Tags: Baseball, theme lineups
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