Who's on First for the Astros? Not Lance Berkman!
Put on your “readiness to suspend belief in reality” caps and red forward.
The following interview took place last week at Minute Maid Park in Houston. It was conducted by that outspoken sportswriter of the Houston Chronicle, Edward Equity, with Ed Wade, the General Manager of the Houston Astros. The subject was “Who’s going to play first base for the Houston Astros next year? … Who? … The fellow on first base. … That’s the answer? … No, Silly, … that’s the question.”
Edward Equity: “So, Ed, if you don’t mind. Lets’ get old business out of the way first. In a word or two, can you confirm that Lance Berkman will not be returning to the club to play first base for the Astros in 2011?”
Ed Wade: “Who?”
Edward Equity: “Thanks, Ed, that’s what we all thought. So, what gives at first?”
Ed Wade: “What-Gives will start the season at Corpus Christi.”
Edward Equity: “So, who’s on first?”
Ed Wade: “Whoever seems to play it best.”
Edward Equity: “Can we take that to mean the job is wide-open?”
Ed Wade: “No, you can take that to mean that rookie Wally Whoever played first base better than anyone else in the Arizona Fall League.”
Edward Equity: So, if you give the job to Whomever …”
Ed Wade:: “We won’t give it to whomever, but we may give it to Whoever.”
Edward Equity: “Whatever.”
Ed Wade: “Whatever’s on third.”
Edward Equity: “OK, Whoever’s on first.”
Ed Wade: “Not quite. I just said he might be.”
Edward Equity: “So, Brett Wallace is not out?”
Ed Wade: “Of course he’s not Out. Out’s our new shortstop.”
Edward Equity: “No, I meant ‘not out at first’.”
Ed Wade: “He was out at first far too many times in 2010 to suit us. That’s why he’s on the bubble now for 2011.”
Edward Equity: “Listen, Ed, what I’m getting from all this is that the job at first still seems pretty much open and, if a whomever comes along who can outplay Mr. Whoever, that the job will be the former’s to lose.”
Ed Wade: “Who?”
Edward Equity: “Whomever!”
Ed Wade: “Who died and made you the General Manager?”
Edward Equity: “Nobody, but in my own mind, I usually have all the right answers. I just seem to come by them naturally. And that’s what makes me think that good old Carlos Lee might even be the Astros’ best answer at first base in 2011.”
Ed Wade: “Must be fun being an outspoken genius!’
Edward Equity: “It sure is, Ed. It sure as heck is.”
The Pecan Park Eagle 
November 29, 2010 at 5:04 pm |
That is “outrageous!”